Tag Archives: meditation

THE LAWS OF ATTRACTION: A Primer

Law of Attraction

 

Alright bitches listen up.   This is Law Of Attraction 101.  Sit down and buckle up buttercup cuz were in for one hell of a ride.

The other day I saw a comment from someone who told me about the law of attraction.  Now, the law of attraction isn’t a new concept to me and probably isn’t to any of you out there.  But, it’s something I feel we often forget about or don’t think about and remember enough.  So let’s jump right in!

The principle of the law of attraction is that thoughts, intentions, and beliefs are forms of energy.  And like energies attract to each other.  So for all y’all non-science folk out there, what this means is:

If you think and create a positive atmosphere, you shall receive more positives.  If you create a negative atmosphere, you shall receive more negative.

So, to all my homies out there with depression and anxiety (what! what!) This is SUPER BAD NEWS FOR US because we have a tendency to get lost in the negative and are unable to come out of it.  And you know what DOUBLE SUCKS? A lot of us out there have good reason to be the way we are.  A lot of us have been trampled on by others.  We’ve been treated unfairly.  Perhaps have been through traumatic experiences that haunt us.   So managing to produce positivity into the world is a lot fucking harder said than done.

 

But lets all be real here…

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If these two fuckers can do it, then so can we.

 

Yeah Pierce Brosnan, enjoy your happy-ever-after you lucky bastard…  Ok ok ok wait.  This is wrong.  I need to be positive and happy.   Must produce good will amongst men and whatnot.

How about this chart?  Let’s see if this helps:

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Ok nowhere on this chart does it say that I have to be happy for Pierce Brosnan…

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Ok but lets be real here.  We need to remember to focus on the good in life.  On something big and meaningful. something good!  And then you need to try and achieve those goals with the most honest and kind intentions you can muster.   Even if others treat you poorly, don’t then also treat others poorly, because all you’re doing is creating another unhappy person on this planet.

 

Still don’t believe me?  Well let’s just see what some other people have to say…

 

 

Ever hear of a little fellow named Albert Einstein?

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How about a certain someone named Buddha?

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Or maybe a man named Pierce Brosn…..what wait what?

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Dammit Brosnan!  get out of my damn blog post!  …altought, great quote.

 

So there ya go people.  Just remember.  Produce good.  Receive Good.

 

The Dark Horse

 

When Life Continues To Give You Nothing But Lemons

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Oh life, you fickle little fuck. You just never know when to quit do you? So, Im working in retail right now. Which means this week (being Thanksgiving) should be the busiest of the year. And yet, Ive had 2 shifts cancelled this week. And I had a shift cut last week….

So now my parents are giving me a bunch of shit. Telling me what a failure I am. Being a 26 year old, living at home, who can’t even hold down a minimum wage job.

I talked to my boss yesterday, asking if Ive been a bad employee or if Ive been doing anything wrong, and she said no. It was just bad timing because she thought we were going to get a lot of shipment these last two weeks, and we didn’t. So she had to cut shifts.

Which still sucks, but at least I know I still have a job….

Still, doesn’t help me talking to my parents. They’re convinced Im a failure. And you know what? They’re kind of right. Im 26. Ive never had a “big boy job”. I can’t seem to ever find love. Nor can I manage to find long-lasting happiness.

This morning I told my dad I had a shift canceled and he responded with, “You don’t even have a job….”. I had to walk away and go back to my room because I was going to cry.

I have depression. I also have severe anxiety. They ruin my life. Times like these only add to the problem.

If I believed in God. In a higher power, and an afterlife, I would have killed myself by now. But you know what? There is no God. This is it people. There are no pearly gates waiting for us on the other side. Therefore, when the fake God above throws you nothing but lemons, you have no choice but to turn them into lemonade.

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Because we have no choice.

Im not going to give up. Im not going to believe that Im stupid. That I’m lazy. That I’m not worth things better than what I have right now. Because I know that isn’t true. I know I work hard. I know I really try. Have I burnt almost every bridge Ive ever crossed? Have I ruined so many situations because of my insecurities, low self-esteem, and belief that I wasn’t good enough? Yes, absolutely. Have I been too afraid to really try to live the life Ive always wanted? Yes.

But that all changes people.

IT HAS TO CHANGE

So look lemons you dirty bastards, Its lemonade time!

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I have been accepted for a Creative Writing Masters at the University of Denver.   So I know someone wants me.   On top of that, Ill find out December 2nd if I’m going to Harvard.    Im playing with some weak cards here and I understand that.

I know that with my history of constant failures, trying to pick up the pieces will be hard.   because who wants to take the chance on the underdog?   But, something’s gotta’ give at some point.   Think of celebrities like Kathy Griffin, or Sheldon from Big Bang Theory (Who is actually like 44 years old).  Some people don’t find success until later in life  (I really hope at least SOMETHING goes well for me before 44…. but hey, trying is all I can do).

I mean, hey, I got through all of last year, and I’m here…..

Keep trying, I know I will!

The Daily Grind Really Is Killing Us

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So the other week I made a post about how the daily grind is killing us and I feel like it came off as really crazy.  Like in an “I was an old man yelling at kids for being in his lawn” type of way.   And then wouldn’t you know it…. a few days ago I open the paper and what article do I see?  THE DAILY GRIND IS KILLING YOU was the title, and it was staring me right in the face.   And to make things even better, the study was conducted in my home state.   (Great job Ohio….you bunch of fuckers).

 

Anyways the study says that hating your job during your 20’s and 30’s leads to increased health issues in your 40’s and beyond.    Stress and misery it seems, is literally going to kill us.

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So what does this mean for us?  Well for me, it means I need to live my life.  I need to not settle for things I don’t want.    Bad jobs that bore me to death and that are beneath me need to stop.  I can’t keep picking the lowest hanging fruit simply because I fear failing.

And furthermore, look:  If being stressed and miserable at work kills us, I’m sure that being stressed and miserable in all other aspects of our life is also killing us.    Those of us who are struggling in life:  The depressed, the anxious, the scared, the abused, the all-around miserable.   We need to fight so hard so we don’t end up as just another statistic in this study.

 

Im not ready to give up and dammit neither should you guys!

 

Fight on my friends!

~The Dark Horse

 

When Life Gets Tough, Take It One Step At A Time.

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Ugh… yes Im aware ok…. this is the dumbest fucking cliché in the books.   And in general, when people say it I want to go full-blown Hulk and smash things.

Sadly for me…. It actually works and I think a lot of us out there really need to remember it.

 

For me at the moment, my visa here in New Zealand is about to end, and I’m about to take a big trip throughout Asia…. so when I get home Ill only have 1 month left in this country.   In my head all I can think of is:  AND THEN WHAT? 

So then I get consumed with thoughts like,

1.) Do I go back home and save money?  Which means returning to the awful shithole that is my redneck hometown in Ohio…..ugh…. no.

2.)  Save up for grad school overseas? …..Well if I had 28K lying around that would be a great idea….but…. hmmm…..

3.) Do resort work in Hawaii?  ….But really thats a temporary fix…. and will that really add any value to my life? …. ummmm…. ugh…….

4.) Move to Denver?  Seems like a good balance of outdoor life and big city feel…. but ugh….its so midwestern and average…..

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So the answer?   Well remember that we’re always children in some aspect.   Always learning how to live, where to go next, and what to do….. and these moments are one of them.   Baby steps are the key my friends….. ugh…..

fucking baby steps.

 Sadly,

are the key.

Despite the fact that I just want to run, not walk…. let alone walk slowly and one step at a time.

But then I think of it this way, how much fun will my trip to Asia be if this is all I’m focusing on?

Or, Really…… my biggest troubles in life are “will resort in Hawaii add value to my life?”….. I wanna shoot myself because I’m well aware that sounds like a pathetic first-word problem.

And if worst comes to worst Ill go back to Ohio and stay in my childhood bedroom rent free with my parents. Sure, I have no friends in my hometown, and I don’t see eye-to-eye with anyone, but really?   Am I in poverty?   No.

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You know, those of out there with depression and anxiety have a hidden gift… well its a curse and a gift to be honest.   We crave meaning.  We crave to live a real life.  Not one that is just a collection of good times.

We want the real deal.  The kind we see in movies.   Why?  Because we know how empty and void this world can be.   We know what true dread and misery feels like and so we crave to feel the other side of the spectrum.   We want true happiness.

But lets be real here, working at a resort in Waikiki?  I could do worse.    Im an able-bodied 26 year old guy who can get paid to work at a cafe that faces the Pacific ocean….  life aint that bad.

I could be in a wheelchair due to a life-threading illness.   I could be mentally disabled.   Or born to a mother who uses heroin and a dad who is in jail.

True, a waiting job won’t bring me real happiness in life.  I love writing and I love this blog.   But maybe the waiting job is a way to make money while I’m on my way to growing success through the blog.  Maybe I need to start focusing on just one step at a time.

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~ The Dark Horse

Hope. Its What We Have To Have

 

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So in the wake of Orlando I think its time to talk about hope.  As a gay guy from America I have to say this weekend killed me a little inside.    Not only was there a horrific attack against the LGBT community but now everyone and their fucking mother are trying to pretend like this had nothing to do with the gay community.

Dear straight religious people, at some point you’ll have to accept this was a product of the culture you’ve created and enforced.    Do you know what its called when there is a hate crime…. hate crime? hahaha…. this was actually a fucking massacre…. but anyways:

Do you know what its called when a hate crime is committed and everyone turns a blind eye?  Thats called OPPRESSION you cunts.

Was this man crazy?  Yes.  

And did he have access to guns because America is an insane shithole with flimsy laws?  Yes.

But would this attack have happened if this man was raised in a culture that didn’t teach him to hate gays?… Well now, there’s a question for you….

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But enough about those cunts who are downplaying what just happened this post isn’t for them.  This post is about what to do now.

 

 

This is one of those instances that was about death.  We suffered and mourned the loss of 49 lives.  But after mourning comes an intense desire to live.

And thats exactly what I have.  I have a big fork in the road coming up in my life and dammit I want to make the most of it.

 

I want to live.  I want to really really live. I want to find love, adventure, friendship, joy, humor, and excitement! I want to make an impact on this world!  I want to finally stop being dragged through life and finally start actually living.  Because unfortunately, with the world we live in, you never know when you may be dancing at a club when all of the sudden you and everyone around are on the floor bleeding to death.  

 

Need some inspiration?   Ok well look at this:

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This is Hawaii 

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This is an actual castle in Germany

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This is a real beach in Thailand 

Why are we looking at these?  Well because over the weekend we saw what horror, bloodshed, and hate looked like.   What we to remember is that there is still so much beauty in the world.   Life still holds meaning, joy, and love.   Adventure is still out there, its just waiting to be found.

Take all the pain and hurt from this weekend and lets mold it from mourning, into passion.    Remember to live life to the fullest.   To embrace every single moment because you never know when it may be your last.

Tonight before you go to bed, hug your mom.   Or your flatmate…  or fuck, hug your dog.   They love being hugged!   Just show someone you care.   Embrace and feel the love!

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~ The Dark Horse

(I would have proofread this, but I was too busy looking at this picture of how amazing the world really is)

Eat, Pray, Love Made Me Do It (My Journey To Find Myself Despite Mental Illness)

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Elizabeth Gilbert.   You crafty little bitch you.   Somehow you managed to write one of the most polarizing books of all time.  To some, you’re a woman who found herself and learned to live.   To others you’re a self-centered asshole who just thought you were better and worth more than everyone else….. to be honest, both are true.

 

You were an author living in New York City dating hot younger men (Not exactly the poster child for oppressed womanhood).    However, you were miserable.   And if you’re miserable you should always change.   Otherwise…..well…you’ll just always be miserable.

 

However, Im going to focus on the positives.   You did take control of your life.  You did inspire a shit ton of people to do the same.  And furthermore (and if all else isn’t true) you wrote a story that made people smile and remember that change is always possible.

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I won’t recap the story or anything because I’m sure you’ve all seen it (and if you haven’t I won’t give any spoilers cuz thats bullshit).

Long story short: She’s miserable and decides to travel to Italy (Eat), India (Pray) and Bali, Indonesia (Love) to find herself.  She meets some great people, finds herself, and theres a sex scene involving a pizza….

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I have decided Im going to take a trip….and write about it of course!   Inspired by Eat, Pray, Love but changing it a little to cater to what I need in life.

My story?  Well, I’m a 26 yr old American guy living in New Zealand.   Ive been moving around since I was 18 trying to find where i fit in.  Working dead-end jobs, suffering from depression, anxiety, and panic disorder.  Ive never had stable friendships.  Ive never been on a date or been in love.   I live my life alone.  Wandering endlessly around never feeling close to anyone.   Everyone my age just wants to fuck; Either get fucked on drugs and alcohol, or get fucked by someone else.   Fitting in is hard.  And so, I’m done.   Im no longer trying to fit in.  I now want to do what I love, which is write.  I want to inspire people.  Especially those who suffer from mental illness, those who have been bullied, and anyone else who just feels like they don’t belong.   Along the way I want to meet people who are more like me.  Who think outside the box.   Make friends, have adventures, and find love.    (I think Eliabeth Gilbert would approve)

So where am I going?

BALI

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Ive always wanted to go to Bali.  The beauty, the water, the palms, the sun, and the heat.     A colorful little Hindu island refuge stuck inside of an oppressive Muslim country.

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In Bali I hope to relax and learn.   Learn about a culture completely different than anything Ive experienced.   See the good.  See the bad.   Just see the world as an outsider.  With no knowledge of what expect.    Just see it with clarity.

 

Then its off to:

Kuala Lumpur 

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A hustling, bustling metropolis in Asia.  This city will push my health anxiety and agoraphobia to the absolute limits.  My goal:  Live it like a local.    Go with the flow.  Sit in the traffic, rush through the malls, eat the street food, hop on the train, and let go.   I can’t keep letting myself deteriorate any longer.  its time to jump in the deep end see if I can swim.  (I have faith that I will)

 

To reward myself for surviving that city I will head to:

The Cameron Highlands

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This will be my version of “EAT” from her book.   I am an avid lover of food and tea.  I love cooking.  I love going to restaurants.   I love trying new food, and savoring every bite!    The Cameron highlands are a renowned area for tea and strawberry growing high in the hills of Malaysia.  I am going to go and Im going to go and eat and drink.   The end.   This portion is my selfish all about me portion of the trip.   Make some friends, and drink tea till I’m peeing myself to death.

 

Then its off to see the real Malaysia.  Ill be going to:

MALACCA 

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A small riverside community that has is a strange mix of everything.   There is some tourism, some poverty, some wealth, some transportation industry through the river, some beauty, some religion, some ugliness, but apparently uniquely beautiful.

In Malacca I hope to learn to accept life for what it is.   Good, bad, pretty, ugly, but real.   I want to gain appreciation for what I do have.   I want to accept the things I can’t change, and embrace the things I can.  I want to find myself.

 

I will finish the trip in:

SINGAPORE 

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Singapore is where I will need to use everything I’ve learned throughout the trip.  Singapore is one of the safest and smallest countries in the entire world.   It has beautiful buildings, stunning public spaces (like the super trees below), and is filled with a wonderful collection of people and cultures.

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But beneath the surface are the realities of why its so safe.  Harsh Muslim laws mixed with old-world colonial laws make Singapore a place you don’t want to get into trouble in.   Public beatings, mandatory death penalties, illegal homosexuality, and massive fines are some of the things a Singapore Airlines billboard will never tell you, but are very much part of the country.

Singapore will be my real-world application to everything I hope to learn on the rest of the trip.

 

Wish me luck?

~ The dark Horse