So, do any of you know that indoor rock climbing is a thing now? Stupid fucking hipsters love to waste their days by climbing walls because they clearly have nothing better to do.
Well, in an attempt to be more social, I’ve agreed to go to one of these stupid places. I have to go this afternoon and I’m dreading it. Indoor rock climbing “gyms” are full of weird white people who are really into indoor rock climbing. You know the weird cults that form around SoulCycle and Cross Fit? It’s like that. It’s a bunch of people filming themselves climbing a wall for their Instagram and then tag it with stupid shit like #SundayFunday and #LiveLifeHealthy.
I’m dreading this. I don’t like rocks. I don’t like climbing. I don’t like hipsters. But… This is 2020. America only has two types of people left. Annoying #woke hipsters and Trump supports. And since I obviously don’t want to be around Trump supporters, I’m forced to try and mingle with the #woke among us.
Look at that fucking shit. These are not my people. My people are little old ladies who sip tea and eat cake while discussing their past travels to the Darjeeling. Why can’t more young men be old tea ladies? Why am I forced to partake in this blatant display of I’ve-Literally-Never-Had-A-Real-Problem-In-My-Life-So-Let-Me-Just-Climb-Walls-To-Give-Myself-Some-Potential-Danger-To-Focus-On.
If I never post again, it’s because I’ve fallen to my death in the absolute stupidest way to die possible.
Fuck this world.
~ The Dark Horse