Tag Archives: New York

About that Party Last Night…

So, about that party last night in my building.

What the flying fuck is wrong with all of you?

New York City is currently on lockdown because people are dying left and right from a highly contagious virus that has no cure and can fill your lungs with so much fluid that you suffocate and die.

So I ask you, Why?

Why were you blasting music until 3am? Why were you all screaming your brains out?

Where were the cops?

(PS – I called the cops. And I’m not ashamed. I hope y’all rot in prison and get hepatitis there. Bastards.)

Gurl, I am, trust me.

So anyways, these ratchet ass motherfuckers upstairs are all cramped inside a little apartment, partying like there’s no tomorrow, and why? Well…

1.) They clearly don’t care about anyone but themselves.

2.) They obviously don’t give a fuck about what happens to this city.

3.) They’re so immature and small-minded (or potentially just plain old selfish) that they can’t see beyond their own desperate need to get wasted and then get drunkenly fucked by the first dick they can find.

Yassss honey, I’m telling it like it fuckin is. I’m done dealing with Americans and their aggressive stupidity. There’s a reason why the USA has been hit worse than any other country on this planet. Our selfishness, our denial of facts, our already-broken public health system. I. can. not. fucking. do. it. anymore.

You have one task, people – One task. One simple, easy task – Do things to keep yourself alive.

If this is too hard for you, then I would genuinely question if you deserve to be a part of our society. If you can’t agree to let yourself and others live healthy lives, then I don’t want you here. (Granted, I also know that since you’re stupid and selfish, you don’t care about my opinion – Which is another reason why I hope you cease to exist.)

Look y’all, I seriously just can’t fucking handle this country. America, you have let me down so many times before. But this, this is a new low. If you want to have explosive diarrhea, and then roll around in it, and live your life like the dirty pigs you are – Good. Have fun.

But I want nothing to do with it.

But I will say you guys are finally right – In this case, America actually is #1. We have the most infections and the most deaths of any country around the world.

Congrats, you fugly pigs.

~ The Dark Horse

(No, this wasn’t proofread. I was up until 3am this morning and haven’t slept and I’m not in the mood to proofread anything)

I Got the NYC Antibody Test!

covid-19 antibody test

I’m sure a lot of you have been hearing about how New York is going balls-to-the-wall on antibody testing, and so far, about 1 in 4 residents of New York City have tested positive for the antibodies. 

Well, seeing as I was sick for like… two fucking months straight, and since my dad is a first responder, I felt it was necessary for me to know. I don’t want to go visit my family until I have a good degree of certainty that I won’t accidentally infect my dad.

The line was, I kid you not, three hours long. but the news came and interviewed us, which helped add some excitement to the horrendous wait. After getting into the doctor’s office, and put in a room, I then had to wait another thirty minutes (which felt like a breeze at that point…) and then it was time for the test.

antibody testing

So, here’s how it goes:

~ They ask if you have had any symptoms within the last two months. I said yes. They asked what. I said, cough, runny nose, sore throat, headache, fatigue.

~ They draw your blood. It’s not a lot either, only one vial.  It’s fast and painless.

~ They then let you know that there still aren’t any studies on COVID-19 antibodies, and there’s no guarantee that they offer immunity. They also say that it’s possible you currently have the virus, and haven’t formed antibodies yet, and also that its sometimes possible to get infected, but the viral load is small enough that your body never needed to make antibodies for it.  (However, studies of past coronaviruses have shown that antibodies have proven immunity to them)

~ They let you go and say if you’re positive for antibodies, you’ll get a phone call. If you’re negative, your results will be available online. They said I’ll know within 3 to 5 days.

 

So, that’s it. Easy, takes like 5 minutes… It’s just long waits to get in the door. So, we shall what my results are in a few days!

~ The Dark Horse

 

 

 

 

Looking Out My Window During The Pandemic

Ah, New York City. The place where dreams come true. The place where anything is possible. The place immortalized by movies, songs, novels, and poems. What a gorgeous town. They say if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere, after all.

Ah, let’s open up the blinds and look out at the stunning accomplishments of mankind…

 

Empire state building blow up

 

Oh…. fuck.

 

Ok, well surely this city can withstand a little pandemic right?  Surely nobody is losing their minds. Surely the city isn’t falling apart at the hands of a virus gone awry, right? Right??!?!??!?!

Maybe just one more peek out my window.  I’m sure everything is all better now. After all, this is the city that knows how to survive anything….

 

Cloverfield

 

Oh dear sweet lord!

(closes blinds, hides under covers)

(shakes back and forth)

Oh… everything is fine…. Just fine. Just dandy!  Fine and dandy…. Oh yes…. yes, yes, yes…. umm…. Ugh, oh boy.

Wait a second!

I’m just being silly. The world isn’t that bad or that scary. This virus isn’t even that deadly… that we know of… and I refuse to be scared. I refuse to sit in my bedroom, trapped like a rat in a cage. This is ridiculous. I am young, I am strong, and I am capable of anything! I’m going to go open my blinds, and outside my window will be a bright, sunny, warm day, and everything is going to be all better! I just know it!

(walks to the window, throws open the curtains)

 

the day after tomorrow

 

HOLY FUCKBALLS! 

Man, we are fucked.

Oh well, nothing else we can do I guess. Let’s fire up the kettle. Open up that fresh tin of darjeeling, and go through the entire Friday the 13th franchise…

we're all gonna die

~ The Dark Horse

 

When COVID-19 Destroyed the World

Ireland

Up until a few days ago, nothing seemed real. I was in rural western Ireland on assignment for a magazine. Fresh air, fields of sheep, mountains, and the all the Irish Breakfast tea I could ever dream of.

We would see the news from time to time. Westchester County in New York was in a red zone. The death toll rising daily. Italy was beginning to collapse. But, then I’d look out at the lake, the fresh smell of spring, the birds in the trees. It was so easy to feel unaffected.

Then, the news came that Trump was closing off entry from Europe except for the UK. Ireland is not part of the UK for anyone wondering. Suddenly everything became real. Talk of having to rush to the airport and escape Ireland circled the table of reporters… But luckily, Trump soon came out and rephrased, saying, “The UK and Ireland.”  The consensus around the country was that Trump didn’t realize that Ireland wasn’t part of the UK. We all had a laugh, and life went back to being delusional and removed the outside world.

county mayo

That lasted for a few days… Until more news came, that the UK and Ireland were now included in the ban. Reality came flooding in. It was time to leave Ireland. The entire world was shutting down. The feeling of being protected, of being immune, of being separate, suddenly vanished.

The next morning we were on a flight back to New York City, only to find that the city was now in lockdown. Gyms, restaurants, cafes, bars, and stores, were are all closed. A few restaurants are still open for delivery and take out only. Now, a full lockdown is set to begin tomorrow. It will now be illegal for offices to ask employees to come into work. Places will be fined if customers are found inside. And there is a general sense of Armageddon in the air.

However, as I write this, the sun is shining out my window. The cherry blossoms in Williamsburg are beginning to bloom, and birds are chirping in the sky.

It’s strange. They say the coronavirus could end up killing close to 100,000 people…and yet, Mother Nature wouldn’t even know. Life goes on, whether we’re a part of it or not.

~ The Dark Horse

The Joys of the Coronavirus

coronavirus

After years and years of hard work… Struggles… Writing my booty off… Getting into grad school… Doing everything I could to make my dream come true… It finally happened. I became a travel writer. And then, because, you know, that’s just how the universe is… The coronavirus comes around and completely shuts down the global travel industry.

Oh viruses…. you fickle cunts. You dastardly bastards. You clever coyotes! Your ability to infect our bodies and spread from person-to-person is incredible. You’re too smart. Too strong.

coronavirus

And now, it turns out that New York City has its first case of infection…Which, I’m not surprised. New York City is tied with London as being the world’s only Alpha++ cities. Their economies are intricately weaved with other countries from around the world. New York City has three international airports… all of which are among the busiest in the country. It was only a matter of time before the virus found its way into this global city.

Alright people, wish me luck. I’ve already had a cold, follow by the flu, in just the span of three weeks… Let’s hope the coronavirus isn’t about to follow.

~ The Dark Horse

(No, this post wasn’t proofread. I’m still sick with the flu, so I shouldn’t be forced to exert all that extra energy that’s required for proofreading.) 

I’m So Excited for The Holidays, I Can’t Handle It!

kid on christmas

So, I’ve found a new apartment, I’ve gotten my deposit back, and I’ll be moving out of my awful apartment on December 1st. Now, I can finally get back to what I really want to be doing right now… FREAKING OUT ABOUT THE HOLIDAYS!

OH, SWEET HOLY HONEY ON HIGH! I literally love the holidays so much it might actually be unhealthy.

kristin wiig

Oh my lord. I just can’t.  So, now that I’m a travel a writer, the holidays have gotten EVEN better. You know how every year you see stories like, “AAA released how busy the roads will be this holiday” and “Priceline lists the top Thanksgiving travel destinations of 2019”? Well, I have always LOVED those stories. I scroll through Google news endlessly, all through November and December, reading news about holiday travel. I’m obsessed with the madness! The hustle! The bustle!

And now… I GET TO BE THE ONE WHO WRITES THOSE STORIES!  When I saw the email from AAA earlier this week with their annual holiday forecast, I literally almost died. I was like… OMG this is my dream come true. I finally get to WRITE an article on the AAA Thanksgiving forecast! (They’re projecting about 51 million Americans will be traveling this Thanksgiving!)

 

Oh lord…. this is too much. I’m too excited. I can’t breathe!   Oh no! I’m hyperventilating!

excited SNL

Am I only person who goes on Google Maps, turns on the 3D mode, and then looks at airports around the country, dreaming of the absolute chaos that must be going on inside them during the holidays?

Is there anything better than knowing that after your exhausting day at the airport, you can go home, to food that was cooked by someone else, towels that were washed by someone else, and best of all… now that I live in New York, there is NOTHING BETTER than going to bed in a quiet house on a quiet street. You don’t get silence like that in NYC, so it feels simply magical when I go home!

kristin wiig excited

Oh god, I’m too excited! Ok, I’m going to make myself a chamomile tea and take a warm shower.

~ The Dark Horse

(No, this wasn’t proofread, this was written through pure holiday mania!)