Tag Archives: NYC

I Hate this Country

riot

Why. Why. Why.

The real question is, why am I even asking? 

This country is fucked. America, we are fucked. The end.

In New York City we are all still trapped in our apartments in lockdown because of a deadly virus that’s easily spread from simply breathing.

And now, there’s a race war.

I don’t want to live here. I don’t want to deal with any of this. I don’t even know what to say.

I’m burnt out. 3 months of confinement. They’re already talking about “the second wave”, so who knows if any of us will have jobs in the next few months. And now, there’s riots. And the worst part is that celebrities and news organizations are supporting these riots…

But then again, if I lived in my gated castle in Bel Air, I guess I wouldn’t care either. Since they’re protected from any potential danger. They’re not the ones living down on ground level.

And then there’s Trump, threatening to kill people.

But, I have a feeling that even without Trump, before the riots ends, someone will die.

I have nothing else to say right now.

~ The Dark Horse

About that Party Last Night…

So, about that party last night in my building.

What the flying fuck is wrong with all of you?

New York City is currently on lockdown because people are dying left and right from a highly contagious virus that has no cure and can fill your lungs with so much fluid that you suffocate and die.

So I ask you, Why?

Why were you blasting music until 3am? Why were you all screaming your brains out?

Where were the cops?

(PS – I called the cops. And I’m not ashamed. I hope y’all rot in prison and get hepatitis there. Bastards.)

Gurl, I am, trust me.

So anyways, these ratchet ass motherfuckers upstairs are all cramped inside a little apartment, partying like there’s no tomorrow, and why? Well…

1.) They clearly don’t care about anyone but themselves.

2.) They obviously don’t give a fuck about what happens to this city.

3.) They’re so immature and small-minded (or potentially just plain old selfish) that they can’t see beyond their own desperate need to get wasted and then get drunkenly fucked by the first dick they can find.

Yassss honey, I’m telling it like it fuckin is. I’m done dealing with Americans and their aggressive stupidity. There’s a reason why the USA has been hit worse than any other country on this planet. Our selfishness, our denial of facts, our already-broken public health system. I. can. not. fucking. do. it. anymore.

You have one task, people – One task. One simple, easy task – Do things to keep yourself alive.

If this is too hard for you, then I would genuinely question if you deserve to be a part of our society. If you can’t agree to let yourself and others live healthy lives, then I don’t want you here. (Granted, I also know that since you’re stupid and selfish, you don’t care about my opinion – Which is another reason why I hope you cease to exist.)

Look y’all, I seriously just can’t fucking handle this country. America, you have let me down so many times before. But this, this is a new low. If you want to have explosive diarrhea, and then roll around in it, and live your life like the dirty pigs you are – Good. Have fun.

But I want nothing to do with it.

But I will say you guys are finally right – In this case, America actually is #1. We have the most infections and the most deaths of any country around the world.

Congrats, you fugly pigs.

~ The Dark Horse

(No, this wasn’t proofread. I was up until 3am this morning and haven’t slept and I’m not in the mood to proofread anything)

A Delusional Coronavirus Lockdown Rant

going crazy

Y’all, look. Here in New York City we are about to be more than 2 months into lockdown. And I need to take a minute to lose my fucking mind because this entire situation is fucking insane…I hope you can all forgive me.

Ok, for starters – Why do humans suck? What if we were all puppies instead? Wouldn’t that be amazing? Wouldn’t life be so much better?

Also – wouldn’t this be the perfect time for an alien invasion? I mean really, if we all wanted to get our minds off the pandemic, what better way than for a superior race to come to Earth and kill us all?

empire state building explosion

The saddest part about that GIF is that New York is already destroyed… no aliens needed.

Also, do any of you have any post-pandemic plans? If we survive this, and if the world ever opens up again, and if we all don’t die in a recession-fueled riot or war, what will you do? What’s your post-pandemic dream?

Mine is simply to be able to go home and see my family again. How fucking sad is that? 

All I want is the ability to go home. That kind of sentence is reserved for World War II novels…not life in 2020. This is just fucking insane.

You know what will make me feel better… another Gif about aliens destroying the world.

US Bank Tower explosion

Take that you pig fuckers!

(sips my darjeeling tea and cackles like a fucking crazy recluse) 

What if this is all a dream? I’d love to wake up and it be 2005 again. Back when I was young. Back when I thought the future would be better. Who knew that everything would only get worse. Eternally.

Better yet – Wouldn’t it be great to, like, be in college during the 90s? How amazing would life have been? Go to Smashing Pumpkin concerts. See Scream in theaters. Social media and a crazed Republican Party hadn’t yet ruined society…

Entering the job market before the recession…

Being able to experience the world before 9/11….

ugh.

I was born too late.

White house explosion

This GIF speaks to me in more ways than one….

You know what we need right now? A man-eating animal. Did you know that in 1916 a shark went on a killing spree and killed a bunch of people? It even swam up a river in New Jersey, 30 miles inland from the Ocean. The shark got the nickname “The Jersey Man-eater”…. That instance inspired Jaws.

That’s what we need to get our minds off the pandemic. A good man-eating shark. Or tiger.

Jaws

Ugh… Just imagine. Swimmers start vanishing, then suddenly, it’s discovered that a giant 25-foot Great White is stalking the shores and is thirsty for blood…. HUMAN BLOOD! Mwuahahahahahha! 

Also, why am I so mad at humans right now? Is it because we brought this pandemic upon ourselves? Decades of environmental destruction, greed, selfishness, the systematic destruction of the public health system, and a total rebellion against science and education….

Ugh.

Fucking humans.

I think…. I think…. I think the evil within me is taking over….

I can’t…

I CAN’T STOP IT!!!!!

 

Rita Repulsa

Ah! After 10,000 years I’m free!  Time to conquer Earth!

 

rita repulsa

Wow…. Even the evil that lives within me doesn’t want to deal with the world in 2020.

Oh well. I guess I’ll just keep drinking tea. Keep writing. And keep waiting and hoping for a better and brighter tomorrow.

 

~ The Darkhorse

(No, this wasn’t proofread. This was written out of pure trauma. You hear me? Trauma!)

 

 

I Got the NYC Antibody Test!

covid-19 antibody test

I’m sure a lot of you have been hearing about how New York is going balls-to-the-wall on antibody testing, and so far, about 1 in 4 residents of New York City have tested positive for the antibodies. 

Well, seeing as I was sick for like… two fucking months straight, and since my dad is a first responder, I felt it was necessary for me to know. I don’t want to go visit my family until I have a good degree of certainty that I won’t accidentally infect my dad.

The line was, I kid you not, three hours long. but the news came and interviewed us, which helped add some excitement to the horrendous wait. After getting into the doctor’s office, and put in a room, I then had to wait another thirty minutes (which felt like a breeze at that point…) and then it was time for the test.

antibody testing

So, here’s how it goes:

~ They ask if you have had any symptoms within the last two months. I said yes. They asked what. I said, cough, runny nose, sore throat, headache, fatigue.

~ They draw your blood. It’s not a lot either, only one vial.  It’s fast and painless.

~ They then let you know that there still aren’t any studies on COVID-19 antibodies, and there’s no guarantee that they offer immunity. They also say that it’s possible you currently have the virus, and haven’t formed antibodies yet, and also that its sometimes possible to get infected, but the viral load is small enough that your body never needed to make antibodies for it.  (However, studies of past coronaviruses have shown that antibodies have proven immunity to them)

~ They let you go and say if you’re positive for antibodies, you’ll get a phone call. If you’re negative, your results will be available online. They said I’ll know within 3 to 5 days.

 

So, that’s it. Easy, takes like 5 minutes… It’s just long waits to get in the door. So, we shall what my results are in a few days!

~ The Dark Horse

 

 

 

 

Humans Ruin Everything

CORONAVIRUS

Ok, so this post is being written completely out of annoyance and anger, so sorry if it doesn’t sound flowery and cute.

Humans. What the flying fuck is wrong with you? You stupid, selfish assholes. Sometimes I want the coronavirus to kill you all, because you’re such lousy cunts, and I don’t want you on this planet anymore.

For example:

Dear apartment on the 1st floor. WHY DO YOU KEEP THROWING PARTIES? 

Dear apartments on floor 1, 3, 4, and 5. WHY DO YOU KEEP BLASTING MUSIC UNTIL 2AM?

Dear apartment on the first floor. WHY DO YOU KEEP GOING OUT ON YOUR PATIO TO TALK UNTIL ALL HOURS OF THE NIGHT?

Look, I understand that YOU don’t have a job right now. I understand that YOU have nowhere to be and nothing to do. I understand that YOU want to party. But guess what, YOU don’t always get what you want in life. This is a large building, with 8 floors, and some of us are forced to work and live from very confined spaces for the next month or two. I would like my sleep and I would like to not have that constant low buzz of a bass rattling everything ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Especially when I’m trying to work.

Furthermore, why don’t you just fucking go home? If you’re going to act like a child instead of an adult, then do what children do, and go fucking live with your parents. It shouldn’t be our job to fucking deal with your immaturity and selfishness. You lousy fucking sacks of shit. This is why the world sucks. Because inconsiderate cunts do what they want without caring about anyone else around them.

It’s great that you get to live off mommy and daddy’s money. It’s great that you have no life. It’s great that you get to be a 30-year-old who acts like you’re 15. Go fucking Instagram yourself getting hit by a train.

And for the rest of you – stop hoarding toilet paper and stop buying guns because you think this is the apocalypse. YOU ARE NOT PROTECTING YOURSELF FROM A CRISIS, YOU ARE CREATING THE CRISIS. 

hoarding toilet paper

Also, Americans, I have some bad fucking news for you – the real problem with toilet paper is your diet. The reason why so many of you take greasy, messy, smelly dumps is because your diet fucking sucks. Americans do NOT eat healthy. Americans consume too much heavy meats, too much refined carbs, and too much sugar, while consuming hardly any fresh fruits and veggies. This is why you’re fat, and out of shape, and why your poop is so fucking messy. If you ate better, and took normal dumps, you wouldn’t need to use so much toilet paper, so you wouldn’t be panicking.

ALSO – this is why America has one highest death tolls in the world from the coronavirus. This country is full of unhealthy people. Stop smoking. Start moving your body more. Stop choosing potato chips over carrots. Just fucking stop. All of you.

JUST.

FUCKING.

STOP.

~ The Dark Horse

(this was not proofread)

Looking Out My Window During The Pandemic

Ah, New York City. The place where dreams come true. The place where anything is possible. The place immortalized by movies, songs, novels, and poems. What a gorgeous town. They say if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere, after all.

Ah, let’s open up the blinds and look out at the stunning accomplishments of mankind…

 

Empire state building blow up

 

Oh…. fuck.

 

Ok, well surely this city can withstand a little pandemic right?  Surely nobody is losing their minds. Surely the city isn’t falling apart at the hands of a virus gone awry, right? Right??!?!??!?!

Maybe just one more peek out my window.  I’m sure everything is all better now. After all, this is the city that knows how to survive anything….

 

Cloverfield

 

Oh dear sweet lord!

(closes blinds, hides under covers)

(shakes back and forth)

Oh… everything is fine…. Just fine. Just dandy!  Fine and dandy…. Oh yes…. yes, yes, yes…. umm…. Ugh, oh boy.

Wait a second!

I’m just being silly. The world isn’t that bad or that scary. This virus isn’t even that deadly… that we know of… and I refuse to be scared. I refuse to sit in my bedroom, trapped like a rat in a cage. This is ridiculous. I am young, I am strong, and I am capable of anything! I’m going to go open my blinds, and outside my window will be a bright, sunny, warm day, and everything is going to be all better! I just know it!

(walks to the window, throws open the curtains)

 

the day after tomorrow

 

HOLY FUCKBALLS! 

Man, we are fucked.

Oh well, nothing else we can do I guess. Let’s fire up the kettle. Open up that fresh tin of darjeeling, and go through the entire Friday the 13th franchise…

we're all gonna die

~ The Dark Horse