Tag Archives: recovery

Staying Happy When You’re Feeling Happy! Don’t Derail Your Own Train!

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Yes thats right! Im sure you all know what Im talking about.  For those of us with depression/panic/anxiety, our happiness always seems to be so fleeting and short-lived.  Partly because of our circumstances yes, but also because we have a tendency to get used to unhappiness and will find ways to ruin our good mood.

This, from what my therapist tells me, is normal.  Its our safety mechanism going into affect.  When you’re used to your life being so shit, when things start to seem good, our minds go…. Wait a second…. could this be too good to be true? Am I going to set myself up for failure if I let my guard down?  And then it goes into hyperdrive and starts to find the flaw.  Find the thing that is about to ruin everything.

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But what we, and our minds don’t know, is that nothing is wrong. And by sitting there and trying to find the bad in everything we are actually ruining our happiness, because even when we’re happy we’re still only focusing on the negatives.

Some examples:

~ Im feeling good hanging with my friends! …I hope they aren’t secretly finding me to be annoying or making fun of me behind my back.

~ Im finally feeling good! Im out and about… I hope this isn’t the moment where my heart gives out and something really bad happens!

~ Sure…Im having fun now… but what about tomorrow?  How will I make it through that day? Or next week? or next year? What am i going to do with my future??????

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But look at mister happy bear!!!!!!  He’s just enjoying life!  he’s just living and eating and sleeping.  not a problem to be had!

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Or what about maniacally happy frog?  Sure….. he’s a bit crazy and perhaps dreams of word domination… but those thoughts bring him satisfaction!

Right now I’m drinking tea and enjoying it!  And yet in the back of my mind there is the thought that something can always go wrong…   But not today! I’m making myself feel better by looking at pictures like….

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Party cat!

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so cheer up buttercup!  Life can start getting good… right…..NOW!

~ The Dark Horse

 

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Cant Sleep At Night, But Feel Dead During The Day?

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Is this you at night hen you’re trying to sleep?  CANT NO MATTER HOW BADLY YOU WANT TO?

But During the day you’re like this?

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Are you up all night because you’re thinking of tomorrow?  Of further into the future? Or maybe you’re reliving moments from your past that you regret?   Or maybe you’ve gone full blown crazy like me and just start worrying that you’re heart will stop or that maybe you can feel a tumor or something in your leg?

 

Well up until about last week I was doing the same thing.   I have been slowly getting better, and believe me its been hard!   Trying to sleep when you think you’re entire life is falling apart is not something you can easily accomplish.  The truth though is realizing that life isn’t falling completely falling apart!  There is no real danger just around the corner and if there is…. if tomorrow you’re going to fail that test even though you studied for hours, or if you really are going to have a heart attack in the middle of the night.. well it sounds like its gonna happen anyways.  You can try to fight it, but if you’ve done all you can and fate still has it against you… well then.. thats just fate.  Worrying won’t do anything anyways.

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But in reality there is no danger up ahead!  You’re not going to fail nor are you going to die. This was the realization I had to force myself to recognize to keep me from going crazy every night of the week… seriously, I was going crazy.  But I had just to accept that if bad stuff was coming it was coming given that I was doing EVERYTHING to prevent.  I wasn’t doing anything that would get my heartbeat up, I was living way too safely, and checking my vitals nonstop.

My therapist can tell you, I was bats shit crazy.

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But this past month Ive made so much progress.   Just letting life happen.  (honestly its been harder than you may think!)

And I think thats been the main trick Ive been using.  Saying to myself, YOURE GOING TO BE FINE!  To quote Fiona Apple, “Whats happened has happened and whats coming is already on its way with a role for me to play”

Being afraid of bad things happening all the time means you’re afraid to live life, and once you become afraid to live life, well who cares if bad things were going to happen? You’ve already.  So just stop!  Tell yourself, to just try to embrace the moment.

And it won’t come easily or fast.  But slowly, you’ll get there.  Life can return!

~KEEP GOING!

the dark horse