Tag Archives: seasons

I’m Going to Aruba!

flamingo

So, autumn is arriving, the weather is changing, Pumpkin Spice has arrived, I even wrote an entire post about how great Fiona Apple music is during the cooler weather. I was preparing myself for autumn. For Fall. For….

But then I found out that my next assignment is to write about Aruba.

And now I’m like…. Fuck cold weather. Fuck Pumpkin Spice. Fuck Autumnal pinecones and changing leaves…. Give me the beach or give me death! 

That’s right motherfuckers, I’m gettin the hell out of here!

run away

Cold and Flu season? Fuck you!

Yes. Suddenly, my entire world was changed. I was preparing for the changing seasons. Preparing for Halloween. Horror movies, the Scream soundtrack, and rewatching Hocus Pocus on loop.

But not anymore. A new wave of Summer energy is running through me now. I’m putting down my hot tea in exchange for an iced one.

aruba

And I don’t want to sounds like I’m super relieved to be escaping the cold. I don’t want to brag or anything… It’s just that, I fucking hate the cold. I fucking hate the dry air. I fucking hate everything about autumn. I hate watching the world die slowly as it goes into hibernation for 8 months. I hate all of it. Every single second. I hate pants. I hate sweaters. I hate jackets. I hate gloves and hats. And I really hate scarves.

But, oh well, looks like I don’t have to deal with that.

smug

Fuck you autumn, I am victorious! Mwuahahahahahaha! 

~ The Dark Horse

Fall is Apple Season! The Best Fiona Apple Songs for Autumn

fiona apple

We just had our official transition into Fall a few days ago, and October 1st is just a few days away. We are well on our way, chugging full speed into pumpkin pie, apple cider, horror movies, and Martha Stewart’s wreathes made from autumnal leaves and acorns.

Ah yes, Fall is the time for hearth-baked memories, cozy snuggle-wuggles, and of course, Fiona Apple. There is something about Fiona Apple music that just screams AUTUMN. I have been a huge fan of Apple’s since I first discovered Criminal in the 6th grade. Since then, she is my autumn playlist.

Here are some of the best Fiona Apple songs to get your Fall on. Ready for an Autumnal pun? … It’s time to fall in love with Fiona Apple…. Not funny? Well, I was also thinking about some sort of “Fiona Apple Cider” But that just didn’t work. SHUT UP! Stop making fun of me, and just listen to some great music:

 

Oh, Sailor

Oh, Sailor is the perfect combination of melancholy and bliss for the start of fall. Think late-September, early-October ran showers. When it’s still warm enough to have the windows open, but you can feel a definite cool rush of air fill the world as the rain falls down.

 

Paper Bag

That piano and the strange bass that lives within Fiona Apple’s voice.  This song is definitely for cloudy days when you’re wearing a jacket, watching the world slow down as it prepares for winter. There’s a pain to the song, which somehow seems to fit Fall perfectly.

 

Why Try to Change Me Now

An album dedicated to the music of Cy Coleman, Apple’s version of Why Try to Change Me Now is simply autumn in every way. Just listen to this song and close you eyes. This song is a coffeeshop, late October. The leaves are falling. You’re drinking something warm and most likely pumpkin-spiced. Don’t lie, you know you are. Accept it, admit it, and embrace it.

 

Criminal

Classic Fiona Apple. Classic 90’s. Classic angst. Just classic, simply, simply, Classic. This song takes you back to easier times. Back to pre-9/11 Autumns. Autumns before cell phones and twitter. Autumns when movies like I Know What You Did Last Summer were in theaters and you didn’t have to worry about a mass shooting every time you saw a movie….

 

Sally’s Song

Did you know Fiona Apple did a version of the classic Nightmare Before Christmas song? And did you know that it’s absolutely amazing? Throughout the month of October, this must be on your playlist. It captures the bleakness and creepiness that is October, and it’s a great way to get you ready for Halloween. Oh Fiona, you magical creature…

 

Frosty the Snowman

November can be tricky. It’s still autumnal, and yet, Halloween is over and the holidays are just a few weeks away… So what to do? Should you be celebrating autumn? Or preparing for Thanksgiving and Christmas?

Well… what if you could do both? Fiona Apple’s version of Frosty the Snowman is the perfect way to bridge the seasons. It’s a holiday tune that’s preformed in a classic coffeeshop style. So, this mid-November. Pick up a pumpkin spice or gingerbread latte, play this song, and enjoy autumn turn to winter.

PS – Did you read the news about Fiona Apple calling people out for sampling her music without credit or pay?  I’m #TeamFiona every day of the week! 

 

~ The Dark Horse

SUMMER IS ALMOST HERE

sum

Holy fuckbills on a stick people, Summer is finally almost here! It’s so close, so. damn. close!

The warmth. The sun. The adventure! For real, anyone else out there with depression and anxiety – how do you feel about summer? I know that back when I was younger and overweight I used to hate summer. Summer was a time for wearing shorts and short-sleeved shirts. AKA: It was a time for my pasty fat to be shown to the world. And I hated it immensely.

But now that I’ve gotten in shape, I’m the opposite. Now I love summer. I love getting some sun. I love the heat, the warmth. I feel like I have so much more energy in the summer and my depression seems to not be as bad. All the cloudy, short, cold winter days take it out of me. An the summer weather seems to charge me like a battery.

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But I fully understand that it’s all relative.

How did I go from hating the summer, to loving the summer?

And not just that, but winter seriously takes it out of me.

I used to long for those sweaters that I could hide under, for the idea of “I’m not sitting around the house because I have no life…I’m sitting around the house because it’s winter. duh!” It felt like such a great excuse to myself.

But now it’s almost like I’m revolting against the old me.

Now, when I’m trapped inside on cold winter days, memories of my past come back with a fury. The sadness of not just bleak the winter days, but also my bleak past, all live inside me all winter long.

But summer, Oh man! It makes me just want to run amok around the world. Finding adventure wherever I can.

 

So, if you’re like the old me and hate summer – here are some things to be excited about:

1.) New season of Stranger Things

strange

I could watch Winona Ryder freak out all day long.  Plus, did you see that amazing trailer playing The Who?  uuuuggghhhh…..SSSSUUUUUMMMMMMEEEERRRRRR

 

2.) Getting outside more

JP

Nothing makes you feel better than a good walk in the park, am I right? You could even go for a run if you wanted to.  Even if I’m completely alone, something about being outside in the warmth just makes me feel so much better.

 

3.) Summer Travel!

flight

Summer is a time for adventure and a time for traversing this great planet of ours! Don’t fear the worst! get out there, hop in a plane, and go somewhere!

 

4.) The New Godzilla movie

godzilla

If the world is just too depressing, and you feel like it’s all falling apart, then stay inside a nice cozy movie theater and watch the world get destroyed in the new Godzilla movie! Anytime a giant creature destroys mankind I am a happy man!

 

5.) Summer music!

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Summer is a time for the hottest songs of the year to get released….BUT SERIOUSLY, FUCK MODERN MUSIC. Instead, I fill my summers with the summer hits of the 90’s. Blast Blind Melon, Alanis Morissette, Hole, Lauryn Hill, Smashing Pumpkins, Robyn (old Robyn, not new Robyn), and Fiona Apple.  That’s right. Teach these stupid cunts what real music sounds like!

 

Enjoy your summer everyone!

~ The Dark Horse

Spring Playlist to Destroy the Winter Blues

pink

 

So, if you’re like me, then winter brings you down… a lot.  I have depression and anxiety, and I always have to work on on keeping myself mentally healthy. And winter is always the fucking hardest.

I love Christmas. The lights, the music, the food, how busy the world is… but then suddenly comes January and February.

No sun.

It’s freezing.

No holidays in sight.

Everyone is sick.

FUCK WINTER. 

FUCK IT INTO THE FUCKING GROUND.

But now, it’s spring. We are above freezing (sometimes only by a few degrees, but IT’S PROGRESS PEOPLE, COME ON!) And I’m getting myself all worked up for better weather, longer days, and the adventure that fills the sir of spring and summer.

I’ve crafted a kick-ass playlist that makes me smile, makes me happy, and gives me energy. This playlist screams SPRING IS HERE! 

If you’re looking for some good tunes to help bring you out of your winter hole, give these tunes a spin!

 

18 WHEELER

P!nk

When you need to just really kick some fuckin ass in the shower, turn on Pink’s 18 Wheeler. I’m lucky to have a window in my bathroom.  With this song, on weekend mornings, I like to hop in the shower after my morning tea and roll up the blinds so the morning sun has illuminated my bathroom, and THEN I BLAST THIS SHIT TILL THE BASS FALLS OUT. Nobody brings out your inner-rebellious teenager like pink.

 

NTH DEGREE

Morningwood

This is one of those songs that’s so great because it’s totally inappropriate. Just remember…

M O

M O R

M O R N I N G

M O – M O R- M O R N I N G W O O D TO THE NTH DEGREE!!!!!!

 

PORTLAND, OREGON

Jack White and Loretta Lynn

I hate that Loretta Lynn is a Trump supporter. But, you gotta give her credit for being 86 years old and still crankin’ out records and touring.  Also, this song is so good because it feels just like spring. The song starts of slow, and then builds and builds into the honkey tonk-infused tune that always gets me singing along.

 

BREAKFAST

Kelis

I’ll be honest with everyone, I didn’t like Kelis very much. I thought she was kinda trashy. But then her album Food came out, and I was blown away.  Here, she removes all that synth-hip-hop shit and just sings. And it’s beautiful.  The culmination of the song comes when she sings the line “Maybe we’ll make it to breakfast.” And I’m just like, YESSSSSSSS!  Maybe she’ll make it to breakfast, and maybe we’ll make it to spring!

 

1979

Smashing Pumpkins

This song brings back memories of warmer months as a kid in the 90’s. And it’s funny because 1979 is Billy Corgan singing about the dog days of his childhood, and this song came out in my childhood…so, it’s like…the circle of life or some shit like that.

Point is, the song envois images of youth, and hope for the future. Prefect for spring!

 

Storms in Africa Parts 1 & 2

Enya

I listen to these songs every single spring, and have ever since I was 15. The songs are about the African rainy season, when torrential thunderstorms bring water and life back to a parched region. This song always reminds me of spring rains. April showers do bring May flowers after all. I always love the energy of a spring storm. It’s like mother nature defibrillating herself back to life.

BETTER LIFE

Keith Urban

For anyone who has read this blog, you know I love running away/  And this song always inspire me to run again. The purity, the energy, and the hope of being young. The idea that adventure is everywhere. The belief that life is fun.

What can be more spring-like than that?

Spring Is Almost Here…

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Alright, people… if you’re like me, then winter depresses you the fuck out. The short days, the cold weather, the lack of vitamin D from the sun, the beige color that seems to cover the world because there’s no greenery around. I love snow on Christmas, but after Christmas I’m like, Ok that was fun….SUMMER PLEASE! 

And about this time of year, after Winter has already been around for months…. I start getting restless. I start NEEDING sun. NEEDING warmth. I start DREAMING of hot weather.

But I today, I saw the first little sprouts of tulips. The true sign that spring isn’t too far off. And, I’ve done some calculations.

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It’s February 19th. That means it’s only 9 days until March 1st. March signals the death of the winter. The sun finally starts to win the battle against the dreaded cold. On April 1st, it’s relatively assured that there will be no more snow.

So, that means we only have 40 days until we can put away the winter coats and never think about them again until next November.

And then, by May 1st, the trees are in bloom once more, and the grass is getting green, and we can go back to wearing hoodies and nothing more! So, that’s only 70 days until we have green buds on trees and hoodies or sweaters.

We can do this.  YOU HEAR ME?  WE GOT THIS! Winter is on it’s way out!

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Just remember that.  Armageddon ends in 9 days

Winter coats can officially be stowed away in the closet in 40 days

And we are only 70 days away from green trees and hoodie weather.

 

Eye on the prize, eye on the prize, EYE ON THE PRIZE!!!!!!!

 

~ The Dark Horse