Tag Archives: self help

Depression And Anxiety Ruining Your Life? Well Fuck That Shit Right Into The Groung!

 

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So, you’re reading this blog post because you’re dealing with depression or anxiety?   Or maybe you’re going through something similar like Panic disorder?  PTSD?  Or really any mental issue driving you crazy?

Well, put on your white dueling glove, and get the fuck ready to dominate that little fucker.

Play this and keep reading:

 

Now.   What you need to remember is that these don’t actually control you… well, right now they do because you’re letting it.   But that doesn’t mean thats the way it always has to be.

 

WHAT WE MUST DO IS SIMPLE.  FIND THE SOURCE OF THE PROBLEM AND FIX IT!

 

For me, its because I’m living a life I don’t want.   I don’t get along with most people because I think they’re really shallow.  And I’m afraid to go for my dreams because I’m afraid ill fail.

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But listen up sweet thangs’    Im done hiding, and Im done not being myself.   Its time for all of us to cowboy up.

 

Now ask yourself, what is the source?    Dig deep, and pull that shit to the surface.   Will it bring a panic attack?  ….maybe….Does thinking about it make you upset? …..probably…..

But what other choice do we have?

For me I’m going to go for my dreams.  Im going to start writing.   Im going to start applying for jobs that I fear I won’t get. And I’m going to keep looking for good friends.  But you know what?  Im done thinking I’m a failure.  Im done thinking I’m not worth it. And I’m done thinking it won’t happen.

Because really, where has that gotten me?

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ok so I’ve told you my game plan.   Now whats yours?

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Now, lets start small.  Start easy?   (although you know what, if you want to dive headfirst I don’t really see a reason why you can’t.  I mean were already fucked up messes, I can’t see how much worse we can get right?)

But if that isn’t for you thats fine.  dip your toe in the kiddy pool  BUT DO SOMETHING! 

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Soon something should happen…. Im kind of right here with you guys so I can’t speak from experience (yet)  but this all seems like a good plan and such.

Now, lets do this shit!

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Just remember.   Never give up.  Stand strong.   Kick ass.  You can do it! I have faith in all of you.

~the dark horse

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Treat Your Mind Like A Garden

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So I had this conversation with someone the other day and it was kind of eye-opening.

In my life I struggle with two main things:  First, is that my social life is a mess.  Ive never been on a date or been in love and Ive never really had any friends.   Secondly, I want to do something with my life.   Like something big!  I don’t want just a 9 to 5.  I want a job with meaning.  With value!  With excitement and challenge!

BUT WHERE TO START?  

It seems like whenever I go hard and focus on one, the other falls apart.  And when the other falls apart, whatever I’m focusing on also falls apart.

This is how we talked about the garden analogy.

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 He said, “Imagine your mind is like a garden. You have all these different plants.   Say, maybe only 5 even.    A Basil plant, a cucumber plant,rosemary, mint, and a tomato plant.   Now say you’re really focused on making your tomato plant grow and invest all your energy. in it. So you water it twice a day everyday and sit next to it and sing to it, constantly move it around so its always in perfect sun, and sprinkle miracle grow when necessary.

What happens to the other four plants? 

We have an immaculate tomato plant but are surrounded by a rotting garden.

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Now its time to go cook ourselves a meal and what do we have? ….Tomatoes.  Thats what we have, and thats all we have.

So thats like life.    Its all about balance.   We can’t neglect parts of ourselves or our needs and obsesses over just a small portion because we will never get anywhere that way.

Don’t let yourself rot away because you haven’t been taking care of yourself!

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So thats all for today.  short easy post, but very useful (at least for me)

Now pull those weeds, water your plants, and reap the benefits!

~ The Dark Horse

Cinderella said to Snow White “How does love get so off course”: Or, Don’t Let Fuckers Walk All Over You

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Alright people, lets get one thing straight here.   Your very owFo n Dark Horse is a very lonely desperate person.   But, I am not pathetic.   I will not let people walk all over me, and recently I had to drop a friend I had made here because well…. he wasn’t a fucking friend.  He was in short…a cunt.

For anyone out there who doesn’t read my blog on a regular basis… (which lets be real is probably almost everyone reading this) I have recently met a backpacker and we have become very close friends. Closer than I’ve ever been with anyone in my entire life.  Im finally learning what a real friend looks like.

And what this is also is proving to me that I’ve been right that the friendships I’ve tried in the past and have dropped because everything just felt wrong was….well…. actually wrong.  And I was right.

So, there is this “friend” I had made here.  A cocky, but very attractive asshole.   I was his friend because I was enamored by his popularity.  His looks.  His ability to make other guys just fall into his lap at every turn.

However, I also had to deal with having a friend who didn’t give a fuck about anything to anyone but himself.  A friend who lived the life of pretty people… gay bars every night, cocaine, sex, cigarettes, alcohol, MDMA, ecstasy, and the desire to post it all to social media to impress his adoring fans.

 

And this is how I felt the entire time….

fuck

 

For me, it was always a struggle.  I don’t drink or do drugs.  I value deep friendships, not ones that are only made based on someone’s physical appearance and if they’ll put out or not.

I never felt comfortable and I always felt like I could be dropped at any time.

I confronted him about this and of course he acted like he didn’t care.  So I decided to stand up for myself and get real:

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I kindly let him know that I didn’t feel like he was my real friend and that he never would be.  So I told him I’d keep hanging out with him because I had nobody else, but the second I found a real friend I’d stop talking to him so he wouldn’t have to deal with me much longer.

Believe me….. this pissed him off and the bitchy little 12 year old girl who lived inside him (the one I always knew was inside) finally came out and threw a little hissy fit.

I refused to take back anything I said and I let him know that I was going to go and never contact him again, but if he ever got bored he was more than welcome to message me….as long as he understood that I was only going to be his friend until I made other better friends.

 

Long story short, we haven’t talked since and DAMN IT FEELS GOOD 

Listen up people, Im a wild and untamed thing!  WE ALL ARE!!!!!

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Anyone reading this blog.  Most likely you’re reading it because you’re going through something and trust me, whatever you’re struggling with is making you a stronger and better person.   So don’t let little cunts bring you down.   The commoner will most likely never understand or get us.   So lets stop wasting our time trying to fit in with them.

 

Lets embrace our differences and enjoy the ride that life is taking us down.  LETS LET OUR TRUE COLORS SHOW!!!!!!

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Believe in me and ill believe in you.  Believe in yourself and ill believe in myself.  lets all just believe in each other!  Were in together people!

 

like a wise mad scientist once said,

Don’t Dream It, Be It.

~ The Dark Horse

This was sooooooooo not proofread.

Rebuilding Your Life When Its Crumbled To Nothing

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So in the last couple of blog posts I had been talking about just saying Fuck It.  I had been pretty down and feeling like shit for being in New Zealand and not making any friends or anything, when I came across and ingenious thought….  Fuck It.

Thats right.  Fuck It.   At the end of the day, none of this means anything.  Embarrassing myself in front of others means nothing when Im alone all the time anyways (whats gonna happen? Ill lose my popularity? …funny joke right?)

Who cares if they tell you “No, i don’t know you go away”… lets be honest here… we were gonna be alone tonight anyways right?

I decided I no longer was looking for friends, but was HUNTING FOR FRIENDS

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Thats right bitches.   You’re the eagle, they’re the trout.   Stalk and attack.

 

So I’m no longer being like…

“Oh hey hows it going?”

“Hows your day going?”

“What do you do for work?”

“blah blah blah blah”

“Maybe if you’re free ever we cold hang out?”

Because the common man is a fuckin idiot and is self-obsessed.   The commoner NEVER thinks they have any free time.  Everyone is apparently as busy as the President.  I mean balancing their time on Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter, and Buzzfeed is just sooooooo time consuming.

So instead my conversations have become more like…

“Hey hows it going?”

“Oh nice so what do you do?”

“Hey thats awesome, so I’m new here and am looking to make friends.  Give me your number”

“Awesome, hows this weekend?”

 

And if you text them that weekend and they’re busy say, “Oh what are you doing?”  and of course they’ll respond with whatever dog and pony show they have going this weekend and then you simply say, “Oh that sounds awesome, mind if I tag along? I need to put myself out there and meet some people”.

If they still say no well just set fire to their house in the middle of the night…. KIDDING… Ha…ha…ha….  i mean….

THE POINT IS THAT YOURE BUILDING A LIFE HERE! 

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Thats right people!  Use those biceps and triceps and…. oh dear lord…. Feel free to stay at this part of the post for as long as you need before continuing.   (Its about building…. get it????  Thats why he’s there…. I wouldn’t shamelessly put an image of a hot guy up here for pure eye-candy pleasure would I?  This is a classy blog remember….Oh god I want him)

 

Where was I?  Right!  Building… thats what were doing!  Building a life!  Who cares if its embarrassing or messy!   In fact, its actually working for me!  I have plans for later today!  (Im actually pretty nervous, but I’m hoping it goes well!)

So right…. what we need to do is,

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Pound the nails into our walls to give us a sturdy foundation to branch from! 

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We must lay the pipework so our structures can……Idk?  have pipes? 

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We must use the monkey wrench to tighten the screws on those pipes we need! 

 

 

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We must Chainsaw!  Ugh.. Chainsaw our bad thoughts away?  Or um…. Use the chainsaw to cut through the negative thoughts that fill our minds?   Look… use the chainsaw for whatever the fuck you want to.  Im gonna use it so I can stand next to this guy 😉

 

Alright but in all honesty remember.  IT DOESNT MATTER.  THATS THE POINT.   Try and make friends!  Who cares if its awkward or messy or embarrassing or doesn’t go well.  Were already at ground zero!   We can only go up from here!

 

speaking of going up…..

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Room for one more boys? …excellent

~ The Dark Horse

Learning To Live Life (Which Is Actually Insanely Hard To Do)

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So I had a real shit weekend.  In that weekend I re-recognised something I had forgotten recently.  Your pain and your suffering means nothing to anyone else.   (Well, if you’re fortunate enough to have a close family, a spouse who loves you, or VERY good close and REAL friends theres an exception)  However, if you’re reading this blog Im guessing you’re probably in the same boat as me and you don’t have any of that.

So before we go any further we need to let that sink in:

Very Little In Life Has Meaning, And Very Few People Will Ever Care About You. 

 

Especially in our modern age of excess we live in.  Capitalism has ruined our brains turning us into consumers rather than humans.  According to our society, togetherness no longer means anything.  Now happiness is found in that shirt from Abercrombie and Fitch that will make you look sexy.  That BMW that will make you look wealthy, That new I-Phone that will make you trend and up-to-date.

Getting likes on Facebook and Instagram makes people feel better than striking up a chat with someone on the train who made them laugh.

Its all about popularity, sex, drugs, alcohol, and party. 

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But what does that mean to us?  Obviously if you’re reading this blog you’re not that type of person, otherwise you wouldn’t be searching for more.  Well, I have some shit news for you all.  I think it means we will all mostly be alone or mostly alone forever.   Our goal is to find those few other people who are like us.  Who still want to connect.  Who still want to learn.  Who still want to live.

And Bitches, this shit won’t be easy. 

We are the salmon swimming upstream.  And I wish I had an answer for you guys out there.  I wish I knew where others like us were.  Im reminded of that song ‘One Day Ill Fly Away’.  I wish there was just some place where i could fly away to and find all those people I’ve been looking for.  All the pain, the loneliness, the dread, the misery…..it was all just gone.  I finally felt like a normal person.  I had friends.  Friends I trusted, friends I didn’t think would leave me at the drop of a hat…

Sadly, that place doesn’t exist

So where do we go then?   Well I think we need to be true to ourselves.  Thats probably step one.  Don’t mold yourself to fit in with others.   Take some time remember who you are.  What you believe in.  What you want from life.  What makes you happy.

 

Then I would suggest trying anything and everything.  Thats what Im about to do.

Tinder, Meetup.com, OkCupid, Knocking on neighbors doors, Fuck talk to strangers why not?  Whats the worst that can happen?  You lose all your friends??? HAHAHAHAHA….. oh, we already don’t have any…..

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oh…. just some twisted depression humor.

 

So anyways, yeah I guess thats it?    We gotta pick ourselves up and start from there?  What do you guys think?

 

~ The Dark Horse

 

 

Alone On Valentine’s Day (Its OK To Be Bitter)

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Ah Yes, its that time of year.  That one day a year when EVERYONE who has a date just loves to tell everyone that they have a date.  The day where marriages that have lasted 50 years are rekindled once more, and when waiting girlfriends become excited fiancés.

Its also the day where lonely people like me sit in front of a TV watching chick flicks eating cookies and pie.  Watching those lucky assholes have the time of their lives.

Bunch of fuckin cunts.

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Ah yes my little lonely lads and lasses.   Its just another holiday in our year that reminds us  we are alone.

But perhaps this is the perfect day for venting, not sobbing?

Perhaps were are viewing Valentine’s day all wrong?

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For you see, Valentine’s Day is also the one day of the year where those who do have love are kind of obligated to sit there and listen to us single people bitch.

….get where I’m going with this?

The new goal for Valentine’s Day is to ruin it for the happy people of the world!  Yes…. yes yes yes!!!!!!!   Put your bitter face on bitches cuz its time to ruin some poor innocent happy person’s day!

hate4Put on your Hulk face its time to go ape shit!

See those happy people over there?  Having a nice little picnic in the park?

 HAVE YOU EVER HAD A NICE LITTLE PICNIC IN THE PARK????? NO!!!! OF COURSE NOT! 

Now run over there and ruin it for them!    Go on!  Pour their wine all over yourself as you stomp on their cute little sandwiches he made to impress her!   Awwwwww….. he even wrapped up the silverware in a cloth napkin just like a restaurant! …….GRAB IT!   YES YOU HEARD ME!   ITS YOURS NOW! You never know when you’ll need a spare fork and knife!

 

 

Oh, would you look at this beautiful restaurant?   He must have paid a fortune to take her here.   He must really want to show her how special she is…… assholes.

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OOOOOHHHHHHH She’s soooooooo impressed.    He’s probably gonna get lucky tonight huh…..  Oh wait but look, you’ve decided to serve them the main course yourself… GO ON!  WALK OVER THERE AND SHOW THEM WHAT THEY WILL BE EATING TONIGHT!

 

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MWUAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!!!!!    Now at the top of your lungs scream PIGFUCKERS!!!!!!!  and then run out of the restaurant in the most delightful and disturbing way possible!

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But in all honesty, we shouldn’t ruin a good Valentine’s day for someone else.  But sometimes its nice to imagine it.  Get some of that bad energy out using our imagination.

One thing I do want to let all of you know is that you’re not alone…..  Well i mean you are…. but I’m alone too…. so you’re not alone in the fact that you’re alone?  get it?

If anyone out there is having an absolute awful day call these numbers:

for the USA call the Crisis hotline: 1-800-233-4357

For Australia call lifeline: 13-11-14

For New Zealand Lifeline: 0800 543 354

For all other counties find your crisis line here:

International Crisis Hotline Listings

Please Note:  None of these lines are for suicide only!   Anytime you’re having a really bad day or suffering an episode of ANY KIND:  depression, anxiety, mania, panic attack  ANYTHING!!! They are there to help!  Trust me, in my lifetime I have called all these numbers and you should never be afraid to!

~ The Dark Horse

…..this post wasn’t proof read,  why? ….because its Valentine’s day bitches.