Tag Archives: sex addiction

Life After Drugs

drugs

 

So, if anyone has been reading my blog, my last post was about me getting crabs… So, that sucked.

Furthermore, the deeper issue is that I had a problem of releasing stress and numbing pain through sex.  You could say I have a sex addiction, some argue that it isn’t real, so argue that everyone is addicted to sex… who the fuck knows.  All I know is that I used it as a tool for escaping hard times…which, to most, would be an addiction.

 

But now the spell has been broken, reality has rushed in, and I’m left asking,

Where do I go from here? 

 

Sex isn’t the same now.  Now, every time I see a random guy, I ask myself… but what if he has crabs? … or worse, and STD...or even worse, HIV?    For anyone out there who has never looked down and seen bugs burrowed into their skin and living off their blood before… it’s something traumatizing.    I don’t want to go back to my old ways anymore.  It’s too gross and too risky.

But now it’s like…what to do?   Without sex to numb my loneliness, do I actually have to go out there and met new people?  Do I have to make friends?  Cuz, I don’t make friends.  It’s just never worked out well for me before.

light

But, and as fucking horrible cheesy as I know this sounds, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

I’ve started joining some groups on campus and opening my Saturday nights doing things rather than meeting random people.

I joined a board game group, which, I won’t lie, has been some serious fun.   I never knew I’d like hanging around the board game crowd so much, but it I have laughed so hard there and it’s been fun and constructive.

I’ve also really started taking charge in the LGBT group Im a part of.  I’ve started taking on more tasks and leadership and it’s been great!  Not only is it fun, but it’s a total resume builder for sure!

 

And you know what…I don’t need a fucking addiction controlling me.  Fuck that. (or i suppose I should say, I won’t fuck that… not anymore)

 

 

So you know what addiction …..

debbie

…Go to hell.

 

~ The Dark Horse

 

 

 

 

 

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Im a Sex Addict

Ok, so for anyone who may actually be reading this, I know my formatting is horrible and my posts never seem to have much continuity.  I guess Ive just got a lot going on and a lot to say and everything is just randomly spilling out at the moment. I promise Ill get better tho and things will make more sense

anyway, today I’m gong to to talk about my sex addiction.  So, I have horrible depression and anxiety and to numb the effects I have turned to my drug, Craigslist.  Here I meet men.  Some my age, some older, and we get together for the sole purpose of fucking. 

I hate it.  It kills me inside.  Having someone there for an hour being so intimate, so close, and so caring…and they just leave and never want to talk again.  

the sex always bring me back though.  its a perfect instant gratification.  You have someone there so you can feel connected and loved, and you get to physically ejaculate so you get that primal “good” feeling as well.

but then, its gone.  They’re gone.  Im alone and I crave it again because I can never seem to find it in my real life.  So i go back, i get another taste, and they leave again.  at this point i feel like a used piece of trash.  the blob of human garbage that nobody wants. I am pathetic.  

I just had a guy over.  He was 30…. 6 years older than me.  My bed still smells like him and as I sit here writing this, I hate myself.  Ill need to change my sheets and pillow cases before bed because I hate my bed smelling like random men

…todays post was a bit depressing, and I’m sorry