So, a few hours ago, a group of black protesters marched down my street, chanting:
“Whose Street is This?”
I’m not sure how I feel about that. Nor am I sure what they were trying to say with that. That isn’t the type of rhetoric that really brings about images of equality.
But, I also understand that right now, nobody cares.
America is in a state of mass hysteria. There are two trains running along the same track, about the collide. One, the Trump train, the other, the #Woke train. You have two choices. You either hop onboard on of those two trains and go balls-to-the-wall, no questions asked, completely 100% dedicated to your team…Or, you sit on the sidelines, where nobody will like you and nobody will want to listen to you.
That’s where I am. Sadly, logic doesn’t exist right now. Nobody wants it. They want passion, anger, and a sense of self-importance.
If you’re woke, you get your self-importance from publicly displaying your trauma. Your oppression. And your discrimination. If you’re a white male and have none of those things, you have to delude yourself with your own ego and take on the role of the “white savior” to feel complete inside.
If you’re on the Trump train, you have to use words like “History,” “Patriotism,” “strength,” “preserving the past,” and “law and order” to make yourself feel superior. You have to believe that you’re the last remaining pillar holding this country up from the cretins beneath you.
I am neither. People, listen to me. I am a gay guy from Ohio. I grew up getting beaten up. Being told I’d die of AIDS. Being told I’d go to hell. And being told I was worthless. My mother was (and still sort of is) homophobic. I had nobody to talk to about anything.
Once, my roommate, who I thought was straight, woke me up in the middle of the night, while he was high on meth, and tried to rape me. I have suffered from depression, anxiety, panic, and actual agoraphobia. I ran away from home and was having sex for money in LA. I was almost murdered in New Zealand by two homophobic Maori guys. And I’m still broken. Because I never got to be young, I became a fucked up stunted adult who never learned how to play ball with society, and therefore, remains alone and friendless.
I don’t say this for pity. I hate pity. I’m saying this to set up my argument, which is this –
I AM A WHITE MAN, BUT I KNOW OPPRESSION.
I can’t get on the Trump train because I know pain. I know 100% that this country needs a better education system. We need livable wages. We need healthcare. We need gun control. We need to help those who need it. Getting healthcare to the masses is more important to me than saving a stupid statue of a Confederate soldier, and it always will be. The end.
However, I can’t get on the #Woke train either, because, unfortunately, it’s selfish and full of shit. I have been harassed by so many black and Latino people in my life. You call them a nigger and they will kill you. And yet, they’ve never hesitated calling me a faggot.
Furthermore, during my time on the East Cost – here in NYC and back in grad school at Harvard – how many of these liberal East Coasters have ever tried to get to know me? I honestly ask you this – How many do you think have ever asked me about my life?
I’ve been called a Trump supporter, a racist, a homophobe, transphobic, self-hating, sexist, you name it. People here have gleefully judged me and assumed they know me because I’m a white guy from Ohio…But how many of them ever took a few seconds out of their day to know the truth? The answer, unfortunately, is zero.
And that’s because they don’t want to know the truth. They want to feel superior. They want to feel like they’ve been through more than everyone else around them. They want to feel pure. Like they’re martyrs. Wokeness is a show, not a call to action. Wokeness is simply about “sharing your story,” AKA: Pandering for attention.
And so, I will sit on the sidelines, alone. Because I’d rather be alone than partake in the absolute shitshow that is this country. Ya’ll can love yourselves and hate everyone else all you want. Look at where it’s gotten us so far.
~ The Dark Horse
(This wasn’t proofread, deal with it)