Tag Archives: women

The Macarena: The Most Diverse Music Video Ever

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Step aside all you obnoxious millennials who think you invented diversity. If you’re looking for the true trailblazer, you’ll need to go back… back to the 90’s. 

It was the summer of 1996. Independence Day was booming in the box office, The Craft had just been released that May, and Neve Campbell was about to be launched into an even further fame that December with Scream.

It was then, that an unsuspecting nation was introduced to the Macarena. Macarena fever hit hard. So hard in fact that even the DNC of that year was hit a Macarena outbreak.

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Since then, and this is embracing to admit…actually no it’s not, fuck all of you – I love the Macarena! It’s so damn catchy and so damn 90’s, it’s fuckin amazing.

So the other day, I was rewatching the Macarena music video (because yes, I do that. Got a problem? Call my agent!) and I was totally blown away.  I was like…

THIS WAS MADE IN THE 90s?

 

This music video is the very definition of diversity. And all of you 2019-ers should be ashamed of yourselves for not knowing about this important moment in music history.

Let’s meet our diverse cast:

 

The Singers

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The song is sung by Los Del Rio, a duo from Spain.  But look at this – How many hit music videos can you think of by men in their 50’s or 60’s dominating the charts? The Macarena directly combats agism!

 

The Brunette 

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Sure, blondes have more fun…but according to blondes! No matter what your hair color (or horrendous wardrobe choices…) all are welcomed to dance the Macarena!

 

The Indian Girl

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A study by PBS found that out of all the actors in Hollywood, only 4.2% are “Other”….yeah, that’s how disproportionate the number of Indian actors in Hollywood are. They’re categorized under “Other”, which would combine them with various Arab/Desi/Pacific Islanders/Indigenous peoples/and so forth…all to make up less than 5%.

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So the true numbers of Indian actors will never be known.  What we do know that is that being Indian in the entertainment business can’t be easy. And being a woman in any job isn’t easy, so for an Indian woman to be featured in such a high-profile music video is huge!

This Girl… 

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I don’t what she is, or what the story behind the hair, the lips, and the outfit are…but here’s how I’m taking it – It’s all about being yourself.  She is the embodiment of body positivity, dressing how you want, and not giving a fuck.  Let’s all raise a glass and have a cheers to that cotton-candy wig!

The Latina

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Rocking out a satin pantsuit. That’s right – SATIN PANTSUIT –  A pantsuit so elegant, I can only imagine it would make Diane Keaton jealous. Our Latina (or Latinx, because I’m not here to assume genders) is surely ready for her night at the club where she will cheat on her boyfriend… you know… he one who’s name is Victorino.

But don’t worry,

She didn’t want him

She couldn’t stand him

He was no good so….

The Black Girl

(Can I still say ‘black’? I don’t want to say African American, because what if she isn’t from America?)

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Regardless of whatever the PC term is, one thing is for sure, I love this girl . That 90’s outfit, that Amazing 90’s hair. Everything. Pure perfection. Also, in the music video she competes to be the lead. Going head-to-head with…

 

The Asian Girl

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That shirt. That hair. That everything.  Oh man, 90’s perfection. This image isn’t too clear, but she’s also got on purple lipstick.  Daring and bold makeup choices…. UGHHHHHH THE 90s!!!! COME BACK!!!!!

 

The White Blonde Girl

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I know, I can hear you groaning. You’re probably saying something like #OscarsSoWhite, and then I’ll be like, that Oscars hashtag is from 2015. OMG get with it!  But in reality, diversity and inclusion means everyone…even white blonde women

(at least she’s not a man…am I right, ladies?????…crickets.)

Will that fabulous feather jacket help make it better?  Fit for a hooker, I say!

 

The Mom From ‘Blackish’

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The mom from Blackish denies being in the music video (yes, this got widespread enough  to where she had to respond) But, Macarena conspiracy theorists continue to insist that it’s her. And how could you not believe Macarena conspiracy theorists??????

The Scandinavian

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Had ABBA gotten famous in the 90’s they would have looked just like our Swedish girl in the music video. Plastic pants. Plastic shirt. And a plastic winter hat.  I have a feeling this was surely the most uncomfortbale outfit in the entire music video. But pain is beauty! 

 

The Jan

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Yes, that’s right. This music video is so diverse that it even has the forgotten middle child. Jan is so forgotten that I couldn’t even find a good image of this girl.  She’s literally hidden in ever single frame!

See, look!

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Let’s try again….

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Poor Jan. We can’t all be center stage though, I suppose.  I’m sure she has a great personality and is probably very smart.  Maybe she’s a lawyer now and making more than anyone else in the music video?

 

There you have it! The most diverse music video in the world! Now, put that song, and blast it loud!!! HEY MACARENA!!!!!

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Dance on my friends! Dance on!

 

~ The Dark Horse

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Pulling My Eyes Out: The Kavanaugh Disaster

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Dear humans of America, and republicans; What the flying fuck has happened?

For starters, just so everyone here knows this post will be totally centrist:  Kavanaugh is completely guilty. 

Ok, moving forward. Lets break this down:

1.) Sexually assaulting someone in high school is bad.

2.) Bragging about sleeping with someone in your yearbook is also bad.

3.) Lying about it when you’re an adult is even worse.

4.) And protecting someone who was an asshole, and then lies about it, simply because he will help you push through your asshole agenda, is even even worse! 

5.) And whats even even even worse is that this kind of attitude has become normalized in America! The republican party has gotten so used to lying and covering up for themselves and Trump, that it’s almost become second nature to them. They even lied for a pedophile in Alabama. The “Christian” party… chose to protect a pedophile over women. 

Protecting other assholes is basically the new job description for Republicans,

right under Be an asshole yourself.

 

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And republicans, if you’re reading this, please listen to me.  As a white man myself, trust me, I know how annoying the new Woke generation can be. It’s super annoying to innocently be standing in line at a Starbucks and have the black person behind you give you the stick eye, judging you, assuming you’re probably a racist.

And yes, it’s super annoying that everyone assumes you’ve probably sexually assaulted a woman. Trust me, I’m gay. So it’s really annoying to me as well…especially considering I’ve never touched a woman before.

BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT? Going insane and losing your temper and filling the Judicial, Executive, and Legislative branches with racists and rapists IS NOT THE SOLUTION! 

How do you people sleep at night? (Actually, I know that answer: Denial and cognitive dissidence.  That was an easy one)

Anyways, watching all of this go down makes me stressed, depressed, anxious, and tired.

It’s made me want to stab my eyeballs out so I never have to watch anything this sad and pathetic ever again.

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Am I saying we should blindly trust all people who claim someone raped them? No. This is America and everyone is entitled to a fair trial. However, should we believe someone who can give a clear and concise account that’s clearly been scared into her memory? Who hasn’t asked for money, and who has been given death threats, AND YET STILL DEMANDS TO BE HEARD, even in a sworn testimony, hand on the bible and all?

HELL FUCKING YES.

 

Also, not to mention, she isn’t the only accuser…

And watching this club of not just not men, but also woman, (like Ivanka, Omarosa, Sarah, and Kellyanne just to name a few)  that constantly protect and defend these horrible people is like torture.

Do you hear me? 

TORTURE.

Living in America in 2018 is like living life constantly stuck in a Saw trap.

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Even if we do manage to get out of this alive, we’re all gonna be fucked up for life.

 

So, anyways, Thanks America. Thanks for making me hate waking up every single day. Thanks for making me wish I was anywhere but here. This land where logic has gone out the window and where good will towards man has become one of our greatest urban legends.

 

~ The Dark Horse.