Tag Archives: work

Taking Time for Yourself is Important

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So, I’ve been here in New York City for about a month and a half now, and it has been one hell of a whirlwind.

Working on my thesis, and interning in TV, and writing for a magazine, and editing for a literary journal – It has been non-fucking-stop. And I love it. I absolutely love how busy I am and how much fun the work I do is, and how there is potential for my future now.

It’s amazing. It’s like I’m finally getting the things I want. My hard work is paying off!

 

However, having said that…

I’m definitely also working a little too hard. I’m working 7 days a week. (I’m even feeling a little guilty for taking a few minutes to write this blog post rather than do editing for the literary journal). And that’s a problem. 

I’m starting to feel the effects of burn-out.

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I wake up in the morning, even after a 7-ish hour sleep, and I can feel that I’m only recharged to maybe 80%. I can feel the sluggishness setting in. I can feel the bags under my eyes forming. The dreaming and yearning to go home for a little vacation where I drink grandma’s ice tea and play Minecraft and ride my bike. I can feel the wanting a break. A rest…

 

AND THEN I WAS WALKING THROUGH CENTRAL PARK ON MY WAY HOME FROM WORK ONE DAY…

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And in Central Park, you can dedicate park benches and write little messages to loved ones, remembrances to deceased loved ones, and all that general plaque type stuff that you see on benches around the world.

And for some reason, I’m walking passed this one bench, and I happened to look at it, and it said,

“If you could just learn to slow down…”

 

And then my name was written right after that.

No joke.

Not kidding. 

I stared at the bench. I’m not one to believe in secret meanings or the universe sending me messages, but something about this.  It was like exactly what I needed to hear at the exactly the right time. It was so surreal.

 

So now, It’s Sunday, and I’m going to work…but I’m also going to take breaks. I’m taking some time to write this blog post, because I love my blog and it makes me happy to write it! I’m also going to go for a little walk at some point this afternoon too.

In short, I’m just going to slow down a little bit. 

Now, I was going to add a GIF into this post about writing. Something to show that I was taking time to write or whatever… and then I found all these horrendous Bradly Cooper GIFS that are just tragic, and make me laugh.  So, for your pleasure, I think I’ll showcase some wonderfully bad Bradly Cooper typing GIFS.

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Ok, so here’s Bradly in some sort of writing rainfall.  WHAT IS THIS EVEN FROM? Is this from that movie where he plagiarizes everything from Shakespeare or something? Wasn’t he in some movie called The Words? Or something like that?

 

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FULL BLOWN LITERARY HURRICANE! 

This is the type of shit that could life Dorothy’s house right up out of Kansas.

 

Alright, enough Bradley bashing. Remember to work hard, but to also take time for yourself. Your career is only one component of your life and only one component of happiness. Remember your health and your social life are important too!

 

~ The Dark Horse

 

 

 

 

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The Trouble of New Beginnings When You Have Depression and Anxiety

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So, I just finished my first week at my internship in television.  And it was exciting, and crazy, and hard, and stressful, and a total learning experience.

But, looking back now that the week is over, I’m like… WAS IT ACTUALLY HARD? OR WAS IT JUST MY ANXIETY? 

 

For example, I was told to do some media monitoring. That’s where you scan various news outlets to see if your shows are getting publicity and mentions and such. When you make your report, you put the news outlet’s name, followed by a forward slash, and then the date.

I had put the news outlet, then a space, then a forward slash.

My boss was like, “I’m a stickler for formatting, so next time, no space between the outlet’s name and forward slash.”

And then I was like..

OH MY GOD. I FAILED!

I PUT A SPACE BEFORE THE FORWARD SLASH! 

OH GOD…..I’LL NEVER GET A REAL JOB! 

By 10am, I was doing a full-blown Anne Hathaway, wondering why my dreams will never be…

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But now I’m kinda like… I suppose it’s possible that I may have been being slightly, but just ever-so slightly…. a drama queen. 

It was my first time doing media monitoring, and my boss knows that.  And adding a space isn’t the same as me just not being able to function. And looking back, I don’t even think my boss sounded mad.

 

BUT THEN…..

 

I had to write a press release for an upcoming show.  A REAL PRESS RELEASE FOR A SHOW THAT WILL AIR ON NATIONAL TELEVISION! A PRESS RELEASE THAT WILL BE READ…BY THE PRESS!  Like, THE PRESS. 

Entertainment Weekly. Variety. People Magazine. TV Guide. The Chicago Tribune. The New York Times. Those places, along with every other news outlet in America (And Canada) will be sent this!!!!!

I was like, Oh my God if I fuck this up it’s all over.

I’m done.

Life destroyed.

I’ll be unemployed.

I’ll become homeless.

I’ll have to sell my teeth for money, and then get Hepatitis C and die.

Oh my God, I need anther Anne Hathaway GIF,   NOW!!!!!!!!!

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I think Anne is the only person who truly understands my struggles.

 

So, I’ve sent my draft of the press release to my boss, and we’re going to go over it on Monday.

SO, OK SURE. SHE HASN’T ACTUALLY SAID ANYTHING BAD ABOUT IT…. YET.

But there’s always a chance that could ruin it!

I mean, it was my first major press release after all.

Do you think she’ll understand that?

Oh lord, here comes the sweats… I’m such a failure. I’m going to die.

This is it! Goodbye cruel world!

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OR, IS THIS ALL JUST ANXIETY?

 

I mean, new beginnings are hard. For everyone. Anytime you have to learn something new. Or be in a new place. Surrounded by new people. There’s always going to be a learning curve. You’ll never be completely perfect right off the bat when you’re in an unfamiliar area, doing new and unfamiliar things.

That’s just life.

But when you have depression and anxiety, making those little mistakes (what normal humans probably consider “learning”) can be really hard on us. We dwell on them. We worry about them.

Or, with the press release example, we can worry without even hearing anything bad! It’s that unknowingness that gets us. We want to be assured that we’ve done good.

That we’re safe. 

When you have depression and anxiety, instant gratification is a gift… A gift that life rarely provides.

And we have no choice, but to soldier through. We have to brave our fears.

Keep Calm

And

Carry On.

We can’t let our depression and anxiety ruin new opportunities for us. Stress and sadness will accompany us during our new exploits. But, we need to be strong. Because the payoffs that you get from taking a chance is work.

Great things come from taking risks.

So let’s take em!

Need some inspiration?

Ok watch this:

In Ohio we have a theme park called Cedar Point. The tallest ride is called the Top Thrill Dragster. It’s so tall, and requires so much energy to create enough thrust to make it over the hill, that if the weight in the train is off (like, if you have a train full of short, thin people, or a train full of overweight people) the weight imbalance causes an acceleration problem and causes the car to not make it over the hill, AND THE ROLLS BACKWARDS TOWARDS THE STATION WHERE THE OTHER TRAIN IS BEING LOADED WITH PEOPLE! 

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So… if you’re about to embark on something new, and are scared. Just remember… things can be much, much scarier!

 

~ The Dark Horse

 

 

INFJ Struggles With The Modern World

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So, I was doing some INFJ reading today and I came across a site that talked about how INFJ’s will struggle with the modern workplace.  The quote that really got me was:

“INFJ women and men don’t perform well in modern corporate settings. They are sensitive and often altruistic. Such attributes don’t get rewarded in the rat race.”

And then it went on to give a list of some careers that INFJ’s would hate.  Some of them were things like:

1. Marketing
2. Sales
3. Advertising

And this makes sense.  These kinds of careers are all about helping large companies convince the masses that they need the products the large companies are selling.  You’re literally helping large companies fuck over the world.  And as INFJ’s, with our natural altruism, this is literally our hell.

 

Furthermore, the modern workplace just isn’t right for INFJ’s in general.  The ideals of getting promoted because you simply want more money, or “playing politics” to get ahead,  and just the drama of office culture in general.   We INFJ’s literally couldn’t give less of a fuck about getting ahead at the office.   

 

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As INFJ’s, we seek purpose and meaning, and our goal in life is to change the world for the better.  This also makes office life very hard because the trend in business is to give people repetitive tasks with the sole purpose of helping to increase profits for the company…  INFJ people out there, I can literally hear you sighing with dread right now.  And trust me, I’m right there with you.  This is our hell.  jobs that mean nothing.

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Most INFJ’s crave creativity and meaning.  They say some good job choices for INFJ’s are:

Actor

Visual Artist

Writer

Musician

Teacher

Philosopher

Non-Profit Work

Psychologist / psychiatrist 

Designer

Advocate Work 

 

You can see a common trend in all of these:  They allow the INFJ to be their own person.  Most of these jobs involve a good dose of creativity, whether it be artistic creativity, or the kind of creativity that allows psychologists to embrace the new challenges and demands that each new patient has.

They also don’t require the INFJ to work in some office setting under the watchful eye of their boss, and that boss’ boss’s and so on.  It allows the INFJ to retain a good level of independence.

 

And most importantly people, remember:  INFJ’s are vulnerable to things like burnout, depression, and anxiety when they don’t live the lives they want to.   So, unfortunately we were not gifted with being able to live an easy life.  Our choices are to fight our way through and change the world, or to slowly rot and die in misery.

Look, I know that isn’t the happiest news…but sadly it’s the truth.  And always remember;

“For those who fight for it, life has a flavor the sheltered will never know”

 

~ Fight on people!

The Dark Horse

 

Having Depression In The ‘Real World’

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Grab your latte’s people! Put on those heels ladies!  Men, tighten that tie!   Its time for the morning commute.  You’re about to head into your business for that glorious 9 or 10 hour day of yours.   You know, that one you have to have five times in a row before you get two days just to catch from all the time you weren’t living for the previous five?

Yes thats right.  We live in a world of a bunch of ants marching.  Mindlessly.  Working day in and day out.  Building that massive ant hive for the queen (which in our our world is normally referred to as the “the man”).

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But why?  Why do so many people get stuck in these jobs they don’t even want?   These entry level jobs that were supposed to just give them experience… but somehow transitioned into the “career”.     The lifelong pursuit to avoid the office drama, suck up to the boss, achieve that bonus, get that promotion, and use the money to buy the house, the car, and then eventually, to pay for the kids they now have.

 

Now if anyone out there reading this has a great life that they love then I have to say I really admire you.   You are one of the lucky few and can disregard everything this post says.  For everyone else out there:

WWWWWWHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYY???????????

Why is this our lives?  And why is this the life that we teach our children to have?   Do you guys really want your kids to repeat your stories?   To not chase their dreams?

I know this is how the world works because this is how people have treated me.  Constantly telling me to be reasonable.  To think about how much money a job makes.  To think about settling down….

SETTLING DOWN????  IM 26 YEARS OLD!  

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And you know whats so crazy?  People who live in my hometown in Ohio are settled down already at 26.  And to me thats fucking crazy.  Like kids I went to high school with are now working their 9-5 at some bank, going home to make dinner for their kid, and then settling down to watch whatever Primetime show is on that night…..

WHAT THE FUCK.   When watching this week’s episode of The Bachelor becomes the highlight of my day I will take a bullet to the face.

But why am I talking about this?  Why is this such a big deal to me?

Well, because I have depression.  I have anxiety.  I never fit in socially with others.  I always had these big dreams.   Ive always wanted to live life.  Not be a passive little fucker.

And all I have had in my life has been a bunch of people who tell me no.

Settle Down

Grown Up

The World Doesn’t Work LikeThat 

This Is The Real World

BLAH BLAH BLAH….

But you know what, I have some news for you,

This annoying hipster fucker was right…..There is no such thing as the real world.

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Play this:

In his song No Such Thing, JohnBoy here actually tells it for how it is….  This “Real World” that I’m constantly told will eat me alive isn’t real.   There is no certain way that life works.  This “way” that all the normal people somehow have inside knowledge of.  Some world where we outcasts can’t comprehend.

The “real world” is a bunch of scared people who settled and now live a fractured life.  A life that only makes them sort-of happy.   They then try to achieve their happiness by doing things and buying things.   Buying new goods to make them feel richer, smarter, and prettier.   By trying to appease the pretty people they work with.  By going to bars and pissing the weekend away being drunk.    They are constantly stuck in the rat race of life.   But they run in a maze with no exit.

This isn’t a rat race they’re in.  It’s more of a Hunger Games.

There is no good outcome.

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And obviously when people are scared and holding themselves back what do they do?  They try to make sure nobody else lives the life they don’t have.   They love going on and on about the dangers of taking the road less taken.  They love telling you how scary and hard your life may be.   How you may even end up unaccomplished and in poverty.  How you may never make good money.

But take a step back and really look at the Western World.   How many people do you know who smoke?  Or are overweight?  Maybe even have diabetes?  Is there seriously anyone reading this who hasn’t lost a family member to cancer or heart disease?

They sit there and tell people not to branch out because its wrong, but if you look at them you can see they’re slowly dying themselves.

 

Well you know what, tomorrow is my last day at work. I am terrified but also excited.  Im about to branch out in life.  Im about to go and try to live.  Not die.

Think of all the scientists out there.  The authors and actors.  The designers.   The people who are working with Doctors Without Borders in Africa saving people’s live every single day.

If all of them listened to the commoner who told them not to branch out…. WHERE THE FUCK WOULD THE WORLD BE?

There are people out there who are living happy, exciting, and enriching lives.

AND DAMMIT PEOPLE I WANT TO BE ONE OF THEM!

And to anyone who wants to put me down?  Well….

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Without dreamers this world would suck!  So keep on dreamin’!

 

~ The Dark Horse

…..This post was not proof read.  It was written aggressively and passionately.  And aggression and passion and terrible at proofreading  DUH!

The Daily Grind Really Is Killing Us

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So the other week I made a post about how the daily grind is killing us and I feel like it came off as really crazy.  Like in an “I was an old man yelling at kids for being in his lawn” type of way.   And then wouldn’t you know it…. a few days ago I open the paper and what article do I see?  THE DAILY GRIND IS KILLING YOU was the title, and it was staring me right in the face.   And to make things even better, the study was conducted in my home state.   (Great job Ohio….you bunch of fuckers).

 

Anyways the study says that hating your job during your 20’s and 30’s leads to increased health issues in your 40’s and beyond.    Stress and misery it seems, is literally going to kill us.

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So what does this mean for us?  Well for me, it means I need to live my life.  I need to not settle for things I don’t want.    Bad jobs that bore me to death and that are beneath me need to stop.  I can’t keep picking the lowest hanging fruit simply because I fear failing.

And furthermore, look:  If being stressed and miserable at work kills us, I’m sure that being stressed and miserable in all other aspects of our life is also killing us.    Those of us who are struggling in life:  The depressed, the anxious, the scared, the abused, the all-around miserable.   We need to fight so hard so we don’t end up as just another statistic in this study.

 

Im not ready to give up and dammit neither should you guys!

 

Fight on my friends!

~The Dark Horse

 

UGH I CANT HANDLE THIS! ,Or, Getting Through The Tough Times

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Im sure you all know what Im talking about.  That crazy, stressed, bored, depressed, anxious, angry feeling you get when you are doing something you just don’t want to do.

That moment (but most likely longer than a moment) you just want to end.

Right now I’m feeling that.   I have 6 days left at work.  6 FUCKING DAYS, IT SEEMS SO SIMPLE RIGHT?????

But when you have gone almost a year being your horrible bosses bitch to try to get that promotion and stay on the good graces and keep your job in a time when lets face it, so many Americans don’t make good money…. WELL THAT 6 DAYS SEEMS LIKE A DEATH SENTENCE. 

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I kind of am just praying for a tornado to strike.  A bomb threat to be called in.  ANYTHING really to make me not have to go in these last 6 days.

Why do I feel like this?

Because I have found myself again….well I’ve been getting closer.  Ive finally started seeing the bigger picture of life again.  Ive been seeing what it is I want to see and the person who I want to be.

And believe me people, working as management in retail selling horribly cheap clothing that falls apart and was constructed through slave labor in Bangladesh isn’t me.  It never was, it isn’t, and it never will be.

and seriously….. fuck them.

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So what do we do?

How do we get through these moments where we just want to go complete Charles Manson on the world?

Well heres what I’m doing.

1.) Focusing on the future. I just keep reminding myself that I have 6 days left.  After that I have some time with the family and then I’m moving to New Zealand…. my boss will still be a 40yr old woman selling cheap clothing to tweens…who is the real winner?  ….me.

2.) Focusing on what i will do differently next time.  For me, it is to not work in retail anymore….well actually it is to not work a shit job in general.  Im 25 now with a college degree.  Im going to start going after what I want.  I don’t care how low my self esteem is and how much I think I will fail.  Im going to actually try at life.

3.) Imaging bad things happening to the store.   Oh sure this is horribly immature but trust me, some good cathartic release always helps.  Hate where you are?  Well take some time to sit back, relax, take a deep breath, and try to imagine an earthquake coming though and destroying the place. Or maybe its a comet?  Or the poltergeists of the spirits of the ancient turtle people who live underground because your store MAY HAVE BEEN built on the site of a Native American battle?????  I MEAN IT COULD HAPPEN RIGHT????? 

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In any event, lets get through this together ok?

I can do it, you can do it, and we can help each other.

also, sorry for the cheesy clip art of “stressed people”.  I found them amusing

~ The Dark Horse