Tag Archives: writing

My Teacher Was A Bitch (Or, Dealing With Unsupportive People)

snoot

 

So, I’m a creative writing major, and this summer I was in one of the intensive workshops for crafting the short story.    I went in bright and starry eyed and excited to make stories that made people laugh and smile (That is after all, what I want my writing to do).

For those of you who don’t know how writing workshops go, let me explain.  You’ll write a story, and then hand it in.  The next week everyone comes back after they’ve read your story and they spend an hour telling you everything they liked and hated about it.  It can be a horrible depression moment if you find out you’ve written a bad story that had plot holes or unclear meanings.

 

So anyways, the second story I wrote for the summer was one that was really close to my heart.   I talked about growing up, and all the bad things that happened to me, and I interwove those flashbacks with a story about how I once had to take care of a dying manatee in Florida (true story).   The story hinges around the fact that a really cute guy was paired with me to take care of the dying manatee.  Me and him ended up becoming friends, and I kind of maybe had a crush on him, and it was the first time a straight guy had ever talked to me in my life.  I was shocked that an attractive straight male would ever talk to me.  It really brought me out of my shell!   So, the whole irony and humor of it is that as the manatee was dying, I saw myself finally starting to live.

write

 

Basically, the entire class said they loved the story.  They loved the imagery of the dying manatee, and the contrast between it and my life, and the humor of how sarcastic I was able to remain despite being next to a rotting manatee.   My teacher however, didn’t.

 

She was like… well I feel like you shoved a happy ending down our throats… I didn’t like that.   Now, it should be noted here that my teacher is a self-proclaimed “high brow” writer (though unpublished…cough cough…)  She doesn’t like stories that create happy endings or morals and stuff…”thats too mid-brow” she’d say.  So things like The Help and stuff drive her crazy and she thinks thats all crap.

 

Anyways, so long story short, she just constantly put me down, and it really hurt.  However, now that the semester is over, I’m starting to look back with a more clear view of my writing.  I’m actually very proud of my story, and I everyone in the class, besides my teacher, praised it.

SO WHY AM I WRITING ABOUT THIS?

Well, I think we have a tendency of focusing on the negative, rather than the positive.   So why was I letting the voice of 1 mask the voices of 15?  Granted, she was the teacher, so maybe she “knows more”, but i mean she self-proclaimed to be someone who hates mid-brow, so can I even trust her opinion?  …Probably not.

 

So the point here, don’t let negative people put you down.  You’ll never win with 100% of the people you encounter in life.  Sometimes we just gotta let shitty people be shitty and get on with our lives.   It hurt a lot to have her bitch nonstop about my writing (I met with her in her office hours to discuss further, hoping to try to reach common ground….didnt go well, she literally didn’t even want to help).

ANYWAYS,  We all need to gain a heavy dose of self-belief.    I know how hard it is, trust me, I felt like shit after walking home from that workshop, and I felt even worse after walking back from her office hours.   But I can’t help but believe in my writing.  I loved writing this story, and I loved sharing this story.  And even her bitching and moaning can’t bring me down.

She was…hmmm… well, let’s just let the gif speak for itself…..

bitch

 

 

I’m actually starting to believe in myself, and that feels fucking amazing.  I hope everyone out there can feel a bit better about themselves.  And if someone out there is learning to feel better about yourself and/or believe in yourself, what are some tips or tricks?  Feel free to talk about it in the comments, I’d love to hear!

 

~ The Dark Horse

 

 

 

Advertisements

Working Hard Is Hard With Depression And Anxiety

work

 

So, I’ve recently started writing a book!   It’s crazy exciting and I’m loving writing it.  But there is still the depression and anxiety looming over me.  It’s something that doesn’t just go away overnight.

 

I’m still getting all those fun thoughts like, “But what if this book isn’t good?”, “What if I have no talent?”, and “Maybe I’ll never amount to anything”.

Does anyone get similar thoughts sometimes?

 

Yeah,  depression and anxiety are a bitch.   But you know what, they won’t just go away.  They are tricky little fuckers to get rid of.  But with patience, practice, and perseverance we can overcome these obstacles.

Now granted, I can’t speak for everyone.  But for me, I know I have gotten better over the years, and the reason why is because I have worked really hard.   And yes, I have days when I think the world is horrible and I don’t want to get out of bed. I have days when I feel everyone is out to get me. I have days when I’m convinced I’m destined to do nothing but fail until the day I die. But at the same time i realize that in life we don’t have many choices.

I mean think about it.  You can either: kill yourself, live a miserable and depressed life until you die, or fight fight fight to make things better.

Pop Culture Icons Struggling to Survive

 

And options 1 and 2 ARE NOT THE ONES YOU WANT TO CHOOSE.

So, here is what I’m doing right now.   I’m continuing to write my book.  It is my book.  I love writing it, and I’m having a blast creating a story and the characters.  So even if it never gets published, or if i’m told it’s complete shit, I will always have the good memories of making the story.

I’m sending the book out to people.  Reaching out to people is important when writing.  T get good feedback and ideas.  PLUS, when it comes to depression and anxiety it’s always good to make sure not to isolate yourself!  So, I’m having a professor read it, my therapist is reading it, and I’ve contacting some of my favorite authors and asked them to read it too!

I’m considering it a hobby as well as a dream.  So yes, this book may never be published. It could suck.  It could be complete shit, but you know what, at least I spent this time doing something rather than hiding under my bed crying about how much I just want an asteroid to crush into Earth and kill everyone like I used to…yes. I’m being serious.  With how I was treated growing up, I used to want nothing more than to watch the world die.

 

So let’s review people.  This is my experience, so it won’t mirror yours exactly, but I feel with depression and anxiety we all have relatable experiences.

 

 

work3

 

1.)  Remember to keep doing things you you love,  even if it’s for nothing more than the fact that it is fun.

 

 

 

work4

 

2.)  Remember, to keep getting out in the world…even if it doesn’t always go well, and trust me from experience, it WONT always go well.  But it’s still worth it!  Let’s all make some friends!

 

 

 

work6

3.)  Remember to chill out.  Things won’t always work out.  But as long as you enjoyed the ride, the destination doesn’t matter so much.

 

 

~ Let’s live our lives people!

 

The Dark Horse